Funny Marriage Quotes Share PINTEREST Email Print Hoxton/Tom Merton / Getty Images Liveabout Entertainment Music TV & Film Performing Arts Visual Arts Fashion & Style Love and Romance Hobbies Activities Humor By Simran Khurana Updated January 14, 2020 Marriages may be made in heaven, but they sure have to be managed right here on earth. That's easier said than done. Take a dig at the funny side of marriage. These funny marriage quotes are good stress busters. They make you laugh at the banalities of marriage. When you read funny marriage quotes, you realize that even a perfect marriage has its inherent flaws but those flaws add to the charm of marriage. Funny Marriage Quotes Ogden Nash: "To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you're wrong admit it; whenever you're right shut up." Bill Cosby: "For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked." Patrick Murray: "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." Gloria Steinem: "I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." Groucho Marx: "Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere." Agatha Christie: "An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." Milton Berle: "A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong." Zsa Zsa Gabor: "A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished." Henry Youngman: "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing… she goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." Joyce Brothers: "My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce." Homer: "There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye-to-eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends." Rodney Dangerfield: "My wife and I were happy for 20 years… then we met." Rita Rudner: "I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." Ogden Nash: "Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets." Lord Byron: "All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage." Phyllis Diller: "Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." Katharine Hepburn: "If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead… get married." Joyce Brothers: "Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash." George Lichtenberg: "Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight."