Humor Political Humor Funny Hillary Clinton Quotes Funny Quotes from Democratic Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton Share PINTEREST Email Print Getty Images Political Humor Political Quotes Political Cartoons Political Jokes Political Memes By Daniel Kurtzman Daniel Kurtzman Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. Learn about our Editorial Process Updated on 04/30/17 See Also:Funniest Hillary Clinton MemesCraziest Donald Trump QuotesFunniest Political Quotes Ever"He's always had a crush on me." --after being asked by George Stephanopoulos about Rush Limbaugh encouraging Republicans to vote for Clinton in hopes of dividing the Democratic party"This has been a very hard fought race. We need to do something so that our party and our people can make the right decision. So I have a proposal: today I am challenging Senator Obama to a bowl off. A bowling night right here in Pennsylvania. Winner take all. I'll even spot him two frames. It's time for his campaign to get out of the gutter and allow all of the pins to be counted. And I'm prepared to play this game all the way to the tenth frame. and when this game is over the American people will know when that phone rings at 3am they'll have a president who's ready to bowl on day one. So let's strike a deal and go bowling for delegates. We don't have a moment to spare." --after Barack Obama bowled a 37"It is so great to be here. You know, I was worried I wouldn't make it. I was pinned down by sniper fire." --joking with Jay Leno during an appearance on "The Tonight Show""Maybe we should ask Barack if he's comfortable or needs another pillow." --during a debate with Barack Obama, referring to a Saturday Night Live skit as evidence of a pro-Obama media bias"I could stand up here and say, 'Let's just get everybody together, let's get unified, the sky will open, the light will come down, celestial choirs will be singing, and everyone will know we should do the right thing and the world will be perfect." --mocking Barack Obama"In my White House, we will know who wears the pantsuits." --on the role her husband would play in her administration"It did take a Clinton to clean up after the first Bush, and I think it might take another one to clean up after the second Bush.""Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, and welcome aboard the maiden flight of Hill-Force One. My name is Hillary and I am so pleased to have most of you on board. FAA regulations prohibit the use of any cell phones, Blackberries, or wireless devices that may be used to transmit a negative story about me." -playing flight attendant aboard her campaign plane"Well, that hurts my feelings." -on why voters like Barack Obama better (Watch video clip)#1: "One more pantsuit joke and Letterman disappears." --the #1 item from Hillary Clinton's Top Ten Campaign Promises, which she presented on the Letterman show"You can always tell when the Republicans are getting restless, because the Vice President's motorcade pulls into the Capitol, and Darth Vader emerges.""I sometimes feel that Alfred E. Newman is in charge in Washington. " -describing President Bush's attitude toward tough issues with Newman's catchphrase "What, me worry?""Frankly, Mr. Mayor, I think your new hairstyle is the right way to go. After all, in Washington, the coverup is always worse than the truth." --to Rudy Giuliani, after he gave up his combover"In the Clinton administration, we used to say in eight years, we've added more than 22 million new jobs. You guys could say: 'Since 1993, our country has created 19 million new jobs.'" --offering the Bush administration a less in campaign spin at the 2004 Gridiron dinner"The truth is, I know Vice President Cheney, and I know that he believes in the separation of the three powers: Kellogg, Brown and Root." --referring to the subsidiary of Halliburton at the 2004 Gridiron dinner"I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair.""If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.""If I didn't kick his ass every day, he wouldn't be worth anything." --on Bill Clinton"In the Bible it says they asked Jesus how many times you should forgive, and he said 70 times 7. Well, I want you all to know that I'm keeping a chart."