Funny Quotes to Begin Your Morning With a Smile

woman waking up and stretching in bed
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The alarm goes off. You put it on snooze, trying to grab some shut-eye for the last time. And then you wake up with a start, as you realize that you are already late for work. Does this scenario sound familiar? Many of us wake up every day under a dark cloud. We sleepwalk through the morning routine of bath and breakfast. Even after getting fully dressed, we look longingly at the bed.
If it's typical for you feel woozy and barely able to open your eyelids before your morning dose of caffeine, read these funny good morning quotes and start your day with smiles and giggles. A hearty laugh can fill you up with enough endorphin to recharge you for the day ahead.

Famous Morning-Themed Quotes

  • Winston Churchill
    "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
  • Robert Frost
    "The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."
  • William Feather
    "Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious."
  • Steven Wright
    "I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, 'Hello, Information.' I said, 'I can't find my socks.' She said, 'They're behind the couch.' And they were!:
  • Bob Dole
    "You feel a little older in the morning. By noon I feel about 55."
  • Dale Earnhardt
    "I woke up this morning, and I still don’t believe I won the Daytona 500."
  • Henry David Thoreau
    "There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."
  • Groucho Marx
    "One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know."
  • Benjamin Franklin
    "I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up."
  • Will Rogers
    "The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'"
  • Mitch Hedberg
    "I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."
  • Steven Wright
    "When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'"
  • Bill Gates
    "Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There’s a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning."
  • Henry David Thoreau
    "I have a great deal of company in the house, especially in the morning when nobody calls."
  • Rodney Dangerfield
    "My mother had morning sickness after I was born."
  • Rodney Dangerfield
    "This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me."
  • Colin Powell
    "It ain’t as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning."
  • Frank Sinatra
    "I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day."
  • Lyndon B. Johnson
    "If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: 'President Can’t Swim.'"
  • Jim Carrey
    "That’s the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my problem is. I could literally have a tumor on the side of my head and they’d be like, ‘Yeah, big deal. I’d eat a tumor every morning for the kinda money you’re pulling down.’"
  • Ray Bradbury
    "Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me. After the explosion, I spent the rest of the day putting the pieces together."
  • Jeff Foxworthy
    "My father-in-law gets up at 5 o’clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don’t know why there’s this big rush to do this."
  • Gabriel Garcia Marquez
    "The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast."
  • Ozzy Osbourne
    "Somebody said to me this morning, ‘To what do you attribute your longevity?’ I don’t know. I mean, I couldn’t have planned my life out better. By all accounts, I should be dead! The abuse I put my body through -- the drugs, the alcohol, the lifestyle I’ve lived the last 30 years!"
  • Seth MacFarlane
    "Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day."
  • Zora Neale Hurston
    "It seems to me that trying to live without friends is like milking a bear to get cream for your morning coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it."
  • Mick Jagger
    "You wake up in the morning and you look at your old spoon, and you say to yourself, ‘Mick, it’s time to get yourself a new spoon.’ And you do."
  • Carl Sandburg
    "In these times you have to be an optimist to open your eyes when you awake in the morning."
  • Emo Philips
    "When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas."
  • Bob Dole
    "You feel a little older in the morning. By noon I feel about 55."
  • Michael J. Fox
    "I’m going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli."
  • Rose Kennedy
    "Make sure you never, never argue at night. You just lose a good night’s sleep, and you can’t settle anything until morning anyway."
  • Honore de Balzac
    "A good husband is never the first to go to sleep at night or the last to awake in the morning."
  • Robert Orben
    "Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work."