Funny Father's Day Quotes to Make Dad Smile Share PINTEREST Email Print Multi-bits/The Image Bank/Getty Images Liveabout Entertainment Music TV & Film Performing Arts Visual Arts Fashion & Style Love and Romance Hobbies Activities Humor By Simran Khurana Updated January 14, 2020 We celebrate Father's Day to honor our fathers. Laughter is an excellent gift. Get your father to laugh with one of these chuckle-worthy funny Father's Day quotes: Bob Monkhouse "My father only hit me once — but he used a Volvo." Robert Orben "Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards." Ann Richards "I have always had the feeling I could do anything, and my dad told me I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong." Jay Leno "A lot of controversy over this possible invasion of Iraq. In fact, Nelson Mandela was so upset, he called Bush's dad. How embarrassing, when world leaders start calling your father." Barbara Kingsolver "It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't." Jimmy Piersall "Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then, fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again." Bertrand Russell "The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf." Brad Pitt "Man, if I can get a burp out of that little thing I feel such a sense of accomplishment." Ernest Hemingway "To be a successful father there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years." Gabriel Garcia Marquez "A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father." Tim Russert "The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get." Mark Twain "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." Bill Hicks "I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say, "Yeah? When?" Jack Handy "Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis." Alice Roosevelt Longworth "My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding, and the baby at every christening." Donald Trump "I love producing children. It's fun! I don't like taking care of children, but I love producing children." Jerry Seinfeld "There is no such thing as fun for the whole family." Patrick Dempsey "Here's the cycle: They wake up, they cry, they go to the breast, they eat, they poo or pee, you change a diaper, and they go back to sleep. It's much harder for my wife than for me because she's pumping or nursing." Lionel Richie "Forget about surviving 40 years in the music business. Just surviving 27 years of Nicole Richie has been a struggle-and-a-half, I want to tell you. I stand here as a survivor, I want you to know, for all the parents out there." Chris Martin "Men should always change diapers. It's a very rewarding experience. It's mentally cleansing. It's like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes. Bill Cosby "My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!"