20 Of The Funniest Calls That 911 Operators Have Ever Received

"911, What Is Your Emergency?"

smartphone screen with 911 dialed
Getty Images

Calling for emergency services is no joke, but if you're one of the stressed-out 911 operators serving all over the United States, you've got to maintain your sense of humor!

Some civilians don't seem to have gotten the memo about never dialing 911 for a non-emergency situation. In fact, some people dial 911 over the world's stupidest problems! Check out 20 stories gathered from around the web about people who used and abused the emergency services hotline... in the funniest way possible.

And remember, don't try this at home, kids.

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The Junior Crimestopper Who Thought the Grinch Was Real

Via USA Today.

In December 2017, a little boy named TyLon Pittman from Byram, Mississippi was watching "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" on a cell phone. It was just a few days until Christmas, so the five year-old, who aspires to become a police officer someday, was pretty worried. In fact, he was so concerned about that mean old Grinch that he decided to take matters into his own hands... by calling 911!

The police showed up, and they couldn't be nicer when they found out what had happened. Thankfully, TyLon didn't get in trouble for dropping a dime on the Grinch... he was actually rewarded for being such a concerned citizen! The police department in his town invited TyLon to come to the station to "arrest" the Grinch and help put him behind bars, where he belongs! WTG, kid!

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"The Old Buck Still Has It!"

Via Getty Images/BURGER/PHANIE.

"Friend of the family just retired as a 911 operator and she once had a call from an older lady who was in a panic, she had slipped her husband a Viagra, without telling him and he had the longest erection either of them could remember, the wife was nearly in tears, worried she might cause her husband a heart attack.

"The husband was laughing his ass off in the background, trying to calm his wife, saying things like 'I bet you didn't think the old buck still had it,' and she would keep yelling at him to stop strutting around, he was going to have a heart attack.

"They immediately despatched an ambulance, but after talking with the wife realized she had no reason at all to assume her husband was having a heart attack and in fact she was panicking for nothing, after checking him out, the first responders left and the poor old lady was chastised for slipping the pill and apparently was mortified that everyone knew about her sex life. The husband was happy, cracking jokes and laughing the entire time." - agaric on Reddit.

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This Isn't Tinder, Lady

Via Getty Images/Peter Dazeley.

A woman named Audrey Scott once called Ohio 911, looking for a date.

"Get me that husband," Audrey told the dispatcher.

The dispatcher threatened to arrest her for calling 911 with a non-emergency, and she replied, "Let's do it."

So they did. Police showed up, arrested her, and she spent three days in jail. She was charged with a misdemeanor. Scott later admitted that she had been drunk as a skunk when she made the call. OOPS.

- Via  ABC News

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The Case of the Blue Legs — Solved!

Via Getty Images/Justin Sullivan.

"Paramedic here. Once we had a young woman call 911 around 2am saying that her legs were turning blue. Turns out she had worn a new pair of jeans to the club that night." - Buzkilll on Reddit

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No, Everything Is Not Coming Out Okay

Via Getty Images/Peter Dazeley.

A woman in Canada called 911 after she heard her neighbor shouting and yelling in the apartment next door. The cops came and pounded on the man's door, only to discover that he was perfectly fine... he'd just been noisily straining to take a poo while on the toilet.

-Via Reader's Digest

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Oh, Deer!

Via Getty Images/Jeff J Mitchell.

Caller: A deer just swam across the river behind my house.

Me: Okay?

Caller: Well I am worried it might be cold.

Me: ...Well there is nothing we can do about a deer being cold. Didn't it run off after swimming the river?

Caller: Yes.

Me: Well ma'am it's a wild animal and I'd guess it's going to be fine.

Caller: ok.  - NodePoker on Reddit

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One Costly Butt-Dial

Via Getty Images/TwilightEye.

In Shelby County, Ohio, a burglar was caught after he accidentally pocket-dialed 911 while breaking and entering. After the police arrived, the thief hid in a closet... only to have his cell phone make a noise indicating his battery was low... which lead to police finding his hiding spot and arresting him.

Dumbest criminal ever? Maybe next time, leave the phone at home!

 - Via Reader's Digest

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Well, This Is Embarrassing

Via Getty Images/Alexander W Helin.

"Not an operator, but my boyfriend who called in.

He usually worked a late shift, walking home about 2 am. This shift he got off work a few hours late...

BF: I'd like to call and report a fire. [We live in a fire prone area and it was the season.]

911: Where is it located sir?

BF: On the hillside just East of [City].

911: Can you be more specific? [Typing away in the background.]

BF: Yes, [gives a more detailed location]. Oh god, it's getting bigger! The whole top of the hill is on fire now!

911: Stay calm sir, we're sending somebody out.

BF: It's getting bigger! Doesn't anybody else see this?! It's lighting up the sky around it... it's huge! Oh god! Oh... oh, wait...

911: Sir?

BF: I am SO sorry... I'm not usually out this time of night, I just got off work late... that's, that's the sun...

911: ...

BF: I am so, so sorry for wasting your time, there is no fire, that's just the sun rising. Never mind. I'm really embarrassed...

911: That's fine, Sir. I will cancel the call, thank you for calling."

-LunarBerries on Reddit

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Oops — Drugs Are Still Illegal

MarihuanayMedicina/Creative Commons

There once was a stoner in Lincoln, Nebraska, who called the cops to report that his favorite hookah pipes had gone missing. He seems to have forgotten that, you know, drugs are illegal... So he ended up getting arrested when police turned up on his door and found his indoor marijuana growing operation.

-Via  AZ Central

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Sounds Like a Waste of Perfectly Good Pizza

Via Getty Images/Kristal O'Neal.

"Had a drunk person call to report he was being harassed. Truth was... He was being arrested by our officers for throwing pizza at people. All I heard in the background was one of my officers saying to him 'That better not be our dispatcher on the phone' followed by some muffled talking and my officer taking the phone and saying 'he will be taking a ride with us now' and hung up.

"Still laugh about it to this day.

"Also had a drunk woman call 911 because she couldn't remember her phone pass code." -tkokilroy on Reddit

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Nailed It!

Via Getty Images/Lars Baron.

Cynthia Colston of Deltona, Florida once called 911 four times on the day after Christmas. What was the earth-shattering emergency, you may ask?

She was getting her nails done, and she thought the nail technician had cut them too short. She refused to pay full price for the job, and she continued to call 911 to complain even with a police deputy sitting right next to her.

-Via ABC News

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Not Exactly Life-Threatening

Via Getty Images/Patrick Sheandell O'Carroll.

"Paramedic here.

"I had a guy who picked his wart at 3am and it was bleeding. That's it. That's the story." -phoenix25 on Reddit.

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Really? Really

Via Getty Images/www.blende11.de.

"EMT here, I once responded to a man in his mid to late sixties lights and siren. On arrival instead of finding him experiencing abdominal pain like he told the dispatcher he simply had an itchy belly. I get that it itches and that sucks, But do you honestly think this is a good reason to occupy an emergency ambulance? Not only did he make us take him to the ER but asked why we weren't driving with the lights on. Good thing stupid isn't contagious." - boxdriver419 on Reddit.

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Help, I'm Trapped! Or... Not

Via Getty Images/Ari Grey / EyeEm.

A woman in Kissimmee, Florida had just finished shopping at Walgreens when she called 911 to say she was trapped inside her vehicle.

"I cannot open my door. I can't get the windows down. Nothing electrical works," the unidentified woman told the dispatcher.

"And it's just getting very hot in here. And I'm not feeling well," she continued. "I need some help."

The dispatcher asked if she could pull up the door lock manually, and she tried to do so.

 "OK, OK. I got that going. OK," she replied.

They then agreed that she should call AAA about the car's electrical problem, but at least she was no longer "trapped" inside a hot car.

"I'm sorry," the woman told the dispatcher.

"That's OK," the dispatcher replied, and then disconnected the call. 

- Via ABC News

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It's AAALLLLL About Her

Via Getty Images/Yellow Dog Productions.

"My mom is a 911 operator, she gets some insanely stupid calls. I remember a few years ago, there was a huge pileup involving several cars and fatalities. Clearly it caused miles of traffic.

"A woman called 911, insisting that she get escorted out of the traffic by a trooper, because she 'had to get home,' and it was 'ridiculous that she should be stuck like that,' Like, people are dead, lady, sorry you're not gonna make it home for Jeopardy.

"And before anybody asks — no, she had no medical condition, unless you count delusions of grandeur..." - ddeevv on Reddit.

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Not That Kind of Peanut

Via Flickr/susan402.

"Had a lady trying to call an ambulance because she opened a package from Amazon at home and she was afraid that her kid was about to have a major allergic reaction... From the packing Peanuts.... because the kid was allergic to peanuts, and when her kid mentioned what they were called, she freaked out." - Random-Miser on Reddit. 

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A Sandwich Emergency

Via Getty Images/Chip Simons.

"A man from Jacksonville, Florida called 911 because the sandwich shop forgot to add special sauce to his sub sandwich. He actually called 911 twice... once to complain, and then again when he didn't think the cops responded fast enough."

- Via Reader's Digest

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That's a Really Big "Pig"

Via Getty Images/Lost Horizon Images.

"'911 what's your emergency?' 

'There's a pig in the road. A big one.'

'Sir where are you?'

'At the stoplight. It's the biggest damn pig I have ever seen. Get someone here now!' (One stoplight town, the bar is near the intersection.)

'How big is the pig?'

'About the size of a Volkswagen?'

'How much have you had to drink?'

'I'm not f**king drunk! It's a giant pig the size of a small car! What is wrong with you people?'

Officers show up to find a full grown hippo that had escaped from the local wild animal park." - neinta on Reddit

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Hot Potatoes, Anyone?

Via Getty Images/Penny Cash.

"EMS responds to a call where a man reported having MULTIPLE potatoes stuck up his rectum/colon.

"Not red potatoes, those big brown suckers.

"The kicker: 'I was washing my potatoes in the shower when I slipped and fell and all the potatoes went up there.'"

 - HonestWill on Reddit

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This Two Year-Old Called 911 for Help Getting Dressed

Via YouTube.

Watch out, folks... we've got a pants emergency here!

Little Aaliyah Ryan was just two years-old when she dialed 911 because she couldn't get her pants on right. Thankfully, Deputy Martha Lohnes of the Greenville County Sheriff’s Department in South Carolina was on patrol nearby, so she swung by Aaliyah's house to see what was going on. She found the toddler tangled in her pants, which had somehow gotten turned inside out. So she did her duty... and helped the little girl into her pants!

Then the friendly police officer even stuck around for some cuddles... and had a talk with Aaliyah about not misusing emergency services.

Aaliyah's grandfather, who had been babysitting at the time, then had the unenviable task of calling her mom to tell her,  ‘Your daughter just called the police on me!’”

Okay, folks, what have we learned here today? Unless you're a toddler, it's never okay to call 911 for anything less than an emergency! Don't be like these people... unless you want to end up on a list, yourselves!

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