China Jokes

Funny Late-Night Jokes About China and American-Chinese Relations

Obama Hosts Chinese President Hu Jintao
  Alex Wong / Getty Images
  • "In Beijing, because pollution has reached 35 times the safety level, children have been ordered to stay home. This could mean a delay for anyone who ordered a new iPhone." –Conan O'Brien
  • "China is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd richest country in the world. They could become the richest, but that's only if we pay them the money we owe them, and that's not going to happen." –Jay Leno
  • "A new survey shows that 1 in 5 Americans believe that God steers the economy. Mystery solved: God is Chinese." –Conan O'Brien
  • "China is now grading restaurants' hygiene using smiley faces and frown faces. Really? Who do they have working on this stuff in China, kids? Oh." –Jimmy Fallon
  • "China has told us our days of squandering borrowed money are over. So maybe we shouldn’t tell them we just spent $76 million going to the Smurf movie." –Conan O'Brien
  • "The U.S. is now in serious danger of defaulting on our foreign loans, which explains why today, China showed up and broke the Statue of Liberty's kneecaps." –Jimmy Fallon
  • "A new study has found that the majority of wealthy people in China want to move to other countries and the government is trying to find ways to keep them. If only they could build a big wall." –Jay Leno
  • "President Obama has offered bailout money to keep Greece from defaulting on its loans. Yeah, when Greece thanked him, Obama was like, 'Don't mention it . . . to China, because it's their money.'" —Jimmy Fallon
  • "The Chinese economy has shown signs of slowing down. Experts say that's what happens when your workforce starts to enter its teens." —Conan O'Brien
  • "Congress has rejected raising the debt ceiling, so if China calls, let it go to voicemail." –Stephen Colbert
  • "In China, they say piracy is so rampant that there are at least three fake Apple stores. It's hard to put these people out of the business. If China arrests them for selling fake Apple products, they'll be sent to prison where they will be forced to make real Apple products." –Jay Leno
  • "Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it out to China." –David Letterman
  • "President Obama revealed that up until a few years ago, he was still paying off his student loans. In response, China was like, 'Oh, so you DO know how to repay loans.'" –Jimmy Fallon
  • "This is the anniversary of the Great Wall of China. We often say what’s the deal with these Chinese? But in all honesty, since they built the Great Wall, not one Mexican has sneaked in." –David Letterman
  • "America is producing fewer Caucasian babies. I suppose China is beating us at that too." –Stephen Colbert
  • "Obama's focus tonight was on the economy. He talked a lot about how he wants to create jobs and then announced a plan to freeze government spending. He's promising to put people to work without spending any money to do it, which is what happens after you get a visit from the president of China." –Jimmy Kimmel
  • "Chinese President Hu Jintao was hinting that China may not loan the U.S. any more money. President Obama is now talking to him about a reverse mortgage." –Jay Leno
  • "It was quite a site to see Obama next to President Hu. Obama has a Nobel Peace Prize in his basement, and Hu has a Nobel Peace prize winner in his." –Bill Maher
  • "While visiting Chicago, President Hu met with Cubs fans. Apparently, he wanted to see some Americans who have suffered more human rights violations than his own people." –Jay Leno
  • "The White House held a state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao. There were 200 people, a six-course dinner, and champagne. It was so expensive that we had to borrow money from China for the dinner." –David Letterman
  • "Chinese President Hu Jintao had dinner at the White House with President Obama and first lady Michelle. They were going to exchange gifts from the two countries, but unfortunately, everything in our country is now made in their country, so they couldn't do any exchanging." –Jay Leno
  • "There was one really awkward moment when Hu found out that Obama was a Nobel Peace Prize winner and, out of force of habit, tried to have him arrested." –Jay Leno
  • "Chinese President Hu Jintao visited President Obama at the White House yesterday. There was one very awkward moment when the Chinese President met the Obama daughters and asked, 'So, which factory do you work at?'" –Jay Leno
  • "At the state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao, Hu opened a fortune cookie that said, 'You will lend us another trillion dollars.'" –Conan O'Brien
  • "Hu told President Obama's 9-year-old daughter, Sasha, that she's a pretty little girl and asked her how many iPods she could make in an hour." –Conan O'Brien
  • "Chinese President Hu Jintao is visiting us. When a country owes you a billion dollars they have a problem. When they owe you a trillion dollars, YOU have a problem. We’re too big to fail!" –Jon Stewart
  • "The President of China is in Washington. It's a bit like when you're into your bookie for more than you can afford, and he stops by the house to say hello." –Jimmy Kimmel
  • "China's President Hu is visiting the United States. If he likes what he sees, he may put down a deposit." –David Letterman
  • "The White House held a state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao. President Obama wore a traditional Chinese-made garment: a pair of Nikes." –Jay Leno
  • "Obama and Hu had a private dinner the night before. When Obama tried to pick up the check, Hu said, 'Your money is no good here.' Obama laughed, and Hu said, 'No, really, your money is no good.'" –Jay Leno
  • "President Hu's advance team came a week earlier to make sure that wherever he's staying has no Chinese drywall." –Jay Leno
  • "New Speaker of the House John Boehner chose not to attend the dinner for Chinese President Hu. In China, they're calling him an orange chicken." –Jimmy Fallon
  • "Chinese President Hu Jintao will be at the White House next week. The good news is, he has no plans to foreclose. We can stay another month." –Jay Leno