Forgetfulness: A Sign Of Passive Aggressive Abuse

Passive Aggressive Forgetfulness
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Question: When Is Forgetfulness Abuse?



My wife and I have been married for nearly 10 years. She is a very forgetful, passive aggressive woman. At first, I thought she just didn’t remember important dates and occasions. Now I’m wondering if she is doing it on purpose to push my buttons. For example, an old college friend was in town and we had made plans to meet for dinner. I was excited about seeing this old friend and my wife and I had discussed the dinner plans on several different occasions.

I rushed home from work the night of our dinner engagement and found that she was not ready and seemed clueless when I reminded her of our plans. We ended up being late for dinner and before we got there, she let me have it for expecting her to remember every little detail of our life.

She has done stuff like this for years. I had surgery once and had to be at the hospital early. This was big deal and we had talked about getting up, getting ready and getting out of the house. The morning of my surgery she acted as if she was clueless. Like she had no idea surgery was scheduled and it was my fault for not being sure she understood.

I’m really beginning to think she does the things to push my buttons and for some crazy reason show me that I’m not important. She has never forgotten anything that was important to her. When it is something she has planned or wants to do, she is always ready to go. Am I crazy or am I on the right track with my thinking.



Hi Mark,

Since I’ve only heard your side of the story I can only respond to your side. I would suggest you read up on the subject of passive aggressive behavior. Your wife may be forgetful when it comes to things that are important to you because she is selfish or, she is punishing you for resentment she is unable to express in a healthy manner.

A passive aggressive spouse rarely speaks out when angry. They find covert ways of getting their anger out and punishing their spouse.This may be what your wife is doing when she "forgets" important dates and details. 

I heard from a woman whose husband would forget to pick her up at work at least 3 or 4 times a month. According to her, his forgetfulness always happened shortly after she had done something she knew was irritating to him. 

Instead of telling her he was irritated he chose to get back at her by making her wait after a long day at work. What a unique way of avoiding an argument huh? Her husband didn’t have to engage in unpleasant communications with her and express his bad feelings. Leaving her waiting killed two birds with one stone.

He got his meanies out without having to actually address the issue and she got punished. Your wife may be killing two birds with one stone also. My suggestion is that you ask her why she is always forgetful when the situation is important to you. If she doesn’t have an answer start doing some deep research into passive aggressive behavior.