30 Facts About The First Time You Have Sex

What to Expect From Your Body and Your Feelings - and Talking to Your Parents

If you are considering having sex for the first time there are a few things you must know. Getting to those facts is difficult because you have to wade through social taboos and misinformation.

Everyone who is sexually active has had a "first time" and most people will tell you it was nothing like they expected it to be. For boys, the "first time" is a sort of stepping stone to manhood, a sign that you are well on your way to being a real man. For girls, visions of the first time are often clouded with ideas of romance that are more based in dreams than in reality.

The decision to have sex should never be taken lightly. If you are making it without any thought you shouldn't be having sex - plain and simple. But if you have given your decision some real thought there you are bound to be full of questions. You have probably heard rumors about what sex is like and what can and cannot happen "the first time". Let us clear up the myths and present you with the realities.

10 Facts About Your Body and Your First Sexual Encounter

  1. Pregnancy: There is no first time exemption. The first time can result in a pregnancy in a male/female sexual intercourse.
  2. The only forms of birth control that work with any reliability for the inexperienced are; condoms, birth control pills (taken for at least a month before), female condoms, sponge, spermicide, depo-provera (given by a doctor well in advance), IUD and diaphram (both need a doctor).
  3. Rhythm and Cycles require some real experience and are NOT for first timers.
  4. Standing up right away or jumping up and down will not prevent pregnancy.
  5. You can get an STD, and even AIDS, the first time.
  6. Only condoms (female and male), preferably with a spermicide, can give you any protection against STDs and AIDS. Other forms of birth control will not prevent this disease.
  7. The only 100 percent perfect protection against AIDS, STDs, or pregnancy (for adults and teens) is NOT having sex.
  8. You probably won't know what you are doing or if you are doing it "right." Try not to worry too much about it, as long as it is consensual there is no one "right" way.
  1. Your body may not cooperate, even if your mind wants to be having sex, your body will have an opinion, too.
  2. You can change your mind and say "NO" whenever you want to before doing it. Just because you agreed to have sex doesn't mean you have to go through with it.

10 Facts About Your Feelings and Your First Sexual Experience

  1. It will NOT go the way you plan, it is best to plan only the birth control, time and place.
  2. If you are a girl; it will not feel very good. If you are a boy; it will be over so fast you won't know for sure how it felt.
  3. You WILL be nervous and maybe a little scared - not necessarily in a bad way.
  4. You will feel different about yourself and the other person - not necessarily in a bad way
  5. You will NOT suddenly be a woman or a man.
  6. You may feel guilty that you are actually wanting to have sex. Try to remember sex is perfectly natural and normal and not something to feel guilty about.
  7. As long as you know you are ready, and care about the person you are with, you will enjoy yourself.
  8. If you don't respect your partner, or you know they don't respect you, you will have regrets.
  9. If you love or are loved by your partner, you may still have regrets.
  10. Regrets are normal. You have lost something - your virginity - it is natural and normal to mourn that loss.

10 Tips for Talking to Your Parents About Sex

Parents instinctively want to protect you from the emotional and physical risks of sex, whether they have admitted it to themselves or not. They rarely are truly ready for this conversation, but it is one you need to have.

  1. Know your stuff - let them see you are ready by showing them you have done your homework and are going to act responsibly.
  2. Know your reasons - know why you feel you are ready to have sex and what your reasons are; they will ask, and if you can't answer maybe you aren't as ready as you thought!
  3. Be prepared for a negative reaction - it is very hard to see your child ready to be intimate with someone, accept your parents' displeasure or anger since it is valid, and be prepared to live with it.
  4. Don't flaunt it in their faces - your decision to have sex shouldn't be a weapon designed to hurt your parents or "put them in their place" while you assert independence. If you are trying to upset them you are having sex for the wrong reasons!
  5. Be calm and polite - this won't be easy for them, even if they are the most liberal parents in the world, if you come out "gangbusters" it will make them react rather than listen.
  6. Talk about birth control and safer sex - Bring it up first. It will show that you are thinking about what you are doing which is always a good thing.
  1. Don't sugar coat it - if you want to talk about birth control options, do it; if you want to have sex but aren't sure you are in love, speak up; if you think it is none of their business and are telling them as a courtesy, make it known. This is not a time to hide how you feel.
  2. Be truthful - it is really easy to chicken out and tell your parents what you think they can handle rather than what is true. This is a short term fix and is bound to cause blow ups in the future.
  3. Tell them what a great job they have done - let them know that you value their opinions and are aware of their feelings on the matter. Tell them that the reason you can come to them about this rather than hiding it is because they have done a good job at earning your trust. Even if your choice goes against values you know they have, make sure you tell them you respect their feelings.
  4. LISTEN - listen to your parents, they do have experience in this matter (you're here aren't you?) and are an invaluable resource, even if you may not like what they say. More importantly, listen to yourself as you talk to them. If anything you hear yourself say sounds wrong when spoken out loud you may want to take a second look at your decision.