Humor Political Humor Donald Trump Quotes The Outrageous and the Ridiculous Share PINTEREST Email Print Andrew Harrer - Pool / Getty Images Political Humor Political Quotes Political Cartoons Political Jokes Political Memes Politicians By Daniel Kurtzman Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. our editorial process Daniel Kurtzman Updated August 02, 2018 With the 2016 presidential campaign bringing Donald Trump an audience every day, he also had an opportunity each day to say something outrageous and oftentimes inaccurate or at least contradictory. But, as this collection shows, he's been saying outrageous things for decades. Showing His Humility "I'm also honored to have the greatest temperament that anybody has." —November 3, 2016 "I alone can fix it." —in his self-aggrandizing acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention, July 21, 2016 "I think I am, actually humble. I think I'm much more humble than you would understand." —"60 Minutes" interview, July 17, 2016 "The beauty of me is that I'm very rich." "I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created." —announcing his campaign for president "All of the women on 'The Apprentice' flirted with me—consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected." "Let me tell you, I'm a really smart guy." —on his intelligence "Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest—and you all know it! Please don't feel so stupid or insecure. It's not your fault." On His Body "My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body." "He referred to my hands, if they're small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there's no problem. I guarantee it." —bragging about his penis size in reference to a joke by Republican rival Marco Rubio, GOP presidential debate, March 3, 2016 On the Campaign and Election "We should just cancel the election and just give it to Trump." —speaking at a rally in Toledo, Ohio, October 27, 2016 "I will tell you at the time. I’ll keep you in suspense, OK?" —refusing to say whether he will accept the election outcome during the third presidential debate, October 19, 2016 “I've had a beautiful, I've had a flawless campaign. You'll be writing books about this campaign.” —July 29, 2016 ‘You know what I wanted to. I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard. I would have hit them. No, no. I was going to hit them, I was all set and then I got a call from a highly respected governor...I was gonna hit one guy in particular, a very little guy. I was gonna hit this guy so hard his head would spin and he wouldn’t know what the hell happened...I was going to hit a number of those speakers so hard their heads would spin, they’d never recover. And that’s what I did with a lot—that’s why I still don’t have certain people endorsing me: they still haven’t recovered." —reacting to the Democratic National Convention, July 29, 2016 "I think the only card she has is the women's card. She has got nothing else going. Frankly, if Hillary Clinton were a man, I don't think she would get 5% of the vote. And the beautiful thing is women don't like her, ok?" —victory press conference, New York, April 26, 2016 "I don't think I'm going to lose, but if I do, I don't think you're ever going to see me again, folks. I think I'll go to Turnberry and play golf or something." —Maryland rally, April 24, 2016 "I think you'd have riots. I think you'd have riots. I'm representing many, many millions of people. In many cases first-time voters...If you disenfranchise those people? And you say, well, I'm sorry, you're 100 votes short, even though the next one is 500 votes short? I think you'd have problems like you've never seen before. I wouldn't lead it, but I think bad things will happen." —on what will happen if the nomination is taken from him at the Republican convention, CNN interview, March 16, 2016 "We won with poorly educated. I love the poorly educated." —on his performance with poorly educated voters who helped him win the Nevada Caucus, Feb. 23, 2016 "I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters, okay? It's, like, incredible." —speaking at a rally in Sioux Center, Iowa, as the audience laughed, January 23, 2016 “I know where she went—it’s disgusting, I don’t want to talk about it. No, it’s too disgusting. Don’t say it, it’s disgusting." —on Hillary Clinton taking a bathroom break during a Democratic presidential debate “I don’t think I’ve made mistakes. Every time somebody said I made a mistake, they do the polls and my numbers go up, so I guess I haven't made any mistakes." "We need a leader that wrote 'The Art of the Deal.'" —plugging his book in his presidential campaign announcement "I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I'm more honest and my women are more beautiful." —while teasing a presidential run in 2000 Showing His Ignorance "'You do know you just attacked a Gold Star family?' one adviser warned TrumpTrump didn’t know what a Gold Star family was: 'What’s that?' he asked." —as reported by New York Magazine "Why can’t we use nuclear weapons?" —reportedly asking a foreign policy adviser three times during a meeting why the United States couldn’t use its nuclear weapons stockpile, according to MSNBC's Joe Scarborough "[Vladimir Putin] is not going into Ukraine, OK, just so you understand. He’s not gonna go into Ukraine, all right? You can mark it down. You can put it down." —apparently unaware that Russia had already annexed Crimea in a 2014 intrusion into Ukraine that left thousands dead, July 31, 2016 “I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain and I’ve said a lot of things." —when asked on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” whom he talks with consistently about foreign policy, March 16, 2016 "I'll tell you, it's Big Business. If there is one word to describe Atlantic City, it's Big Business. Or two words—Big Business." "Trump Steaks, where are the steaks? Do we have steaks? We have Trump Steaks." —touting his alleged steak business during a press conference by handing out steaks from Bush Brothers Provision Co. Trump frozen steaks were offered at Sharper Image stores in 2007 but have since been discontinued, March 8, 2016 "When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. They're sending people that have lots of problems...they're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime. They're rapists." On Not Paying Taxes and His Wealth "That makes me smart." —responding to Hillary Clinton’s suggestion that he pays no federal income tax, Sept. 26, 2016 "I'm not a schmuck. Even if the world goes to hell in a handbasket, I won't lose a penny." "I sort of hope that happens because then people like me would go in and buy. If there is a bubble burst, as they call it, you know you could make a lot of money." —in a 2006 audiobook produced by Trump University, expressing excitement two years before a housing-market collapse brought down the U.S. economy Showing His Double Standards "I don't care. It's a long time ago. And he voted that way and they were also misled. A lot of information was given to people…" —forgiving his running mate, Mike Pence, for voting in favor of the Iraq war, saying he was "entitled to make a make mistake," but adding that Hillary Clinton isn't, "60 Minutes" interview, July 17, 2016 On Women and Womanizing Donald Trump at the third presidential debate: "Nobody respects women more than me." Three minutes later: "Such a nasty woman." —October 19, 2016"I sorta get away with things like that." —on bursting into Miss Universe pageant dressing rooms"Believe me, she would not be my first choice, that I can tell you." —Donald Trump, mocking the women who alleged he sexually assaulted them, suggesting his accusers weren't attractive enough to earn his attention. —October 14, 2016"You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful—I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the p**sy. You can do anything." —in a 2005 interview with "Access Hollywood"’s Billy Bush "You know, it really doesn't matter what [the media] write as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass." "There has to be some form of punishment…you go back to a position like they had where they would perhaps go to illegal places, but we have to ban it." —on women who have abortions, MSNBC interview, March 30, 2016 "Women: You have to treat them like s**t." "A person who is very flat chested is very hard to be a 10." "I don’t even know some of those statements. I don’t even know what they are. Nobody respects women more than I do." —when asked in a CNN interview about his degrading remarks about women, March 21, 2016 On Michelle Fields "She had a pen in her hand, which Secret Service is not liking because they don’t know what it is, whether it’s a little bomb." —on reporter Michelle Fields, whom his campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, allegedly assaulted when she tried to ask Trump a question after a rally, CNN town hall, March 29, 2016 “She’s not a baby. She was grabbing me. Am I supposed to press charges against her?" —suggesting it was Michelle Fields who was the aggressor, not his campaign manager, who he insisted had been merely protecting him from her. Lewandowski was arrested on battery charges following the incident, CNN town hall, March 29, 2016 On 9/11 "40 Wall Street actually was the second-tallest building in downtown Manhattan...And now it’s the tallest." —bragging about his building following the 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center in an interview with WWOR/UPN 9 News in New York, Sept. 11, 2001 "I wrote this out, and it's very close to my heart. Because I was down there and I watched our police and our firemen down at 7/11, down at the World Trade Center right after it came down. And I saw the greatest people I've ever seen in action." —confusing 7/11 with 9/11, Buffalo, New York, April 18, 2016 On Russia and Putin “I don’t think anybody knows it was Russia that broke into the DNC. [Clinton’s] saying Russia, Russia, Russia, but I don’t—maybe it was. I mean, it could be Russia, but it could also be China. It could also be lots of other people. It also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, OK?” —in the first presidential debate, Sept. 26, 2016 “Russia, if you’re listening, I hope you’re able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing. I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press."—calling on Russian espionage services to intervene in the U.S. election and help sabotage Hillary Clinton. The emails in question were deemed "personal," but Trump had previously said he thinks they contain sensitive intelligence, meaning that Trump is hoping Vladimir Putin gains access to classified U.S. government information, July 27, 2016 “I was shocked to hear [Vladimir Putin] mention the N-word. You know what the N-word is. Number one he doesn’t like him and number two he doesn’t respect him. I think he’s going to respect your president if I’m elected and I hope he likes me." —implying that Putin uses the "N-word" to describe President Barack Obama, July 27, 2016 On Obama's Birth Certificate "Hillary Clinton…started the birther controversy. I finished it." —falsely claiming that Hillary Clinton started the rumors that President Obama wasn't born in the United States, Sept. 16, 2016 "I have people that have been studying [Obama's birth certificate] and they cannot believe what they're finding...I would like to have him show his birth certificate, and can I be honest with you, I hope he can. Because if he can't, if he can't, if he wasn't born in this country, which is a real possibility…then he has pulled one of the great cons in the history of politics." —three weeks before President Barack Obama released his long-form birth certificate in 2011 "I am really honored frankly to have played such a big role in hopefully, hopefully, getting rid of this issue. We have to look at it, we have to see is it real, is it proper, what's on it, but I hope it checks out beautifully. I am really proud, I am really honored." —on President Obama releasing his long-form birth certificate "Let me tell you, I'm a really smart guy. I was a really good student at the best school in the country. The reason I have a little doubt, just a little, is because he grew up and nobody knew him." —on why he thought President Obama wasn't born in the United States On Violence Against Hillary Clinton "I think what we should do is—she goes around with armed bodyguards like you have never seen before. I think that her bodyguards should drop all weapons. They should disarm. Right? Right? I think they should disarm—immediately. What do you think? Yes? Yes. Yeah. Take their guns away! She doesn't want guns. Take their—let's see what happens to her." —on Hillary Clinton, Sept. 16, 2016 "If she gets to pick her judges—nothing you can do, folks. Although, the Second Amendment people. Maybe there is. I don’t know." —in what many interpreted to be a suggestion that someone might shoot Hillary Clinton, her Supreme Court picks, or both, Wilmington, North Carolina, campaign rally, August 9, 2016 On Violence Against Protestors "I love the old days, you know? You know what I hate? There's a guy totally disruptive, throwing punches, we're not allowed punch back anymore....I'd like to punch him in the face, I'll tell ya." —on how he would handle a protester in Nevada, sparking roaring applause from the audience, February 22, 2016"There may be somebody with tomatoes in the audience. If you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously. Okay? Just knock the hell—I promise you, I will pay for the legal fees." —encouraging violence at his rallies, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Feb. 1, 2016 "That was so great. Who was the person who did that? Put up your hand, put up your hand. Bring that person up here. I love that." —praising two audience members who tackled a protester at his rally in South Carolina, Feb. 16, 2016 "The press is now going, they're saying, 'Oh but there's such violence.' No violence. You know how many people have been hurt at our rallies? I think, like, basically none except maybe somebody got hit once. It's a love fest. These are love fests. And every once in a while…somebody will stand up and they'll say something.…It’s a little disruption, but there's no violence. There's none whatsoever." —on his campaign rallies, despite documented evidence to the contrary, March 14, 2016 Unfounded Accusations "I’ve been treated very unfairly by this judge. Now, this judge is of Mexican heritage. I'm building a wall, OK? I'm building a wall." —accusing U.S. District Judge Gonzalo Curiel, who is presiding over the fraud case against Trump University, of being biased against him because of his Mexican heritage, despite the fact that he is a U.S. citizen who was born in Indiana, CNN interview, June 5, 2016 "How about bringing baskets of money into Iraq? I want to know—who were the soldiers who had that job? I want to know who were the soldiers that had that job, ’cause I think they’re living well right now, whoever they may be." —Donald Trump, apparently accusing U.S. soldiers in Iraq of grand larceny, June 14, 2016 "His father was with Lee Harvey Oswald prior to Oswald's being—you know, shot. I mean, the whole thing is ridiculous. What is this, right prior to his being shot, and nobody even brings it up. They don't even talk about that. That was reported, and nobody talks about it." —suggesting that Ted Cruz's father may have been involved in the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, Fox News interview, May 3, 2016 "There were people that were cheering on the other side of New Jersey, where you have large Arab populations. They were cheering as the World Trade Center came down." —making an unfounded accusation regarding the 9/11 attacks On China "China steals United States Navy research drone in international waters—rips it out of water and takes it to China in unpresidented act." —misspelling "unprecedented" in a tweet that drew widespread mockery, December 17, 2016 "Who knows?" —when asked if, as president, he would start a war with China, New York Times interview, March 25, 2016 "When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let’s say, China in a trade deal? They kill us. I beat China all the time." —on his diplomacy skills On Politicians "I don't like the crying." —on House Speaker John Boehner "My entire life, I've watched politicians bragging about how poor they are, how they came from nothing, how poor their parents and grandparents were. And I said to myself, if they can stay so poor for so many generations, maybe this isn't the kind of person we want to be electing to higher office. How smart can they be? They're morons." —New York Times interview with Maureen Dowd, Nov. 28, 1999 On the Middle East “When Iran, when they circle our beautiful destroyers with their little boats, and they make gestures at our people that they shouldn’t be allowed to make, they will be shot out of the water." —threatening to go to war with Iran over rude hand gestures, Pensacola, Florida, Sept. 9, 2016 "Iraq and Iran were very similar militarily, and they’d fight, fight, fight, and then they’d rest. They’d fight, fight, fight, and then Saddam Hussein would do the gas, and somebody else would do something else, and they’d rest." —demonstrating his knowledge of foreign policy at a town hall meeting in Virginia Beach, Virginia, Sept. 6, 2016 "Yeah, I guess so." —when asked if he supported the Iraq war in 2002, despite the fact that he now claims he opposed it, interview with Howard Stern, Sept. 11, 2002 "I think Islam hates us." —CNN interview, March 10, 2016 "We're going to knock the s**t out of ISIS." —Portsmouth, New Hampshire "The other thing with the terrorists is you have to take out their families, when you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families. They care about their lives, don't kid yourself. When they say they don't care about their lives, you have to take out their families." —Fox News interview, Dec. 2, 2015 On African-Americans "Dwyane Wade's cousin was just shot and killed walking her baby in Chicago. Just what I have been saying. African-Americans will VOTE TRUMP!" —tweeting about the tragic death of Nykea Aldridge, cousin of NBA star Dwyane Wade, and making it all about him, Aug. 27, 2016"What do you have to lose by trying something new like Trump? What do you have to lose? You’re living in poverty; your schools are no good; you have no jobs; 58 percent of your youth is unemployed. What the hell do you have to lose?" —making a pitch to win over African-American voters, adding, "At the end of four years, I guarantee you that I will get 95 percent of the African-American vote," Aug. 19, 2016 "Look at my African-American over here!" —at a campaign rally, June 3, 2016 "I have a great relationship with the blacks." On Trade "Free trade is terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have stupid people." On Lying and His Lies "I might lie to you like Hillary does all the time, but I'll never lie to Giacomo, okay?" —admitting to lying to voters while speaking at a rally in Connecticut but saying he would not lie to an 18-year-old cancer patient in the audience, Giacomo Brancado, August 13, 2016 "From a moral standpoint, I believe in it. But you also have to get elected. And there’s no way a Republican is going to beat a Democrat when the Republican is saying, 'We’re going to cut your Social Security’ and the Democrat is saying, ‘We’re going to keep it and give you more." —privately explaining to House Speaker Paul Ryan that he supports cutting Social Security even though he says the opposite on the campaign trail (Bloomberg Businessweek, May 26, 2016) "These are stupid people that say, 'Oh didn't Trump declare bankruptcy? Didn't he go bankrupt?' I didn't go bankrupt." —Donald Trump, on filing for bankruptcy on parts of his various businesses "Yeah, I guess so." —when asked if he supported the Iraq war, despite the fact that he now claims he opposed it, interview with Howard Stern, Sept. 11, 2002 “Actually, I was only kidding. You can get that baby out of here. Don’t worry, I think she really believed me that I love having a baby crying while I’m speaking. That’s OK People don’t understand. That’s OK." —booting a mother and her crying baby from a rally moments after saying "I love babies," August 2, 2016 "I've seen numbers of 24 percent—I actually saw a number of 42 percent unemployment. Forty-two percent. 5.3 percent unemployment—that is the biggest joke there is in this country.…The unemployment rate is probably 20 percent, but I will tell you, you have some great economists that will tell you it's a 30, 32. And the highest I've heard so far is 42 percent." —vastly overstating the unemployment rate in a claim rated false by Politifact, Sept. 28, 2015 On Getting to Heaven "For evangelicals, for the Christians, for the everybody, for everybody of religion, this will be, may be, the most important election that our country has ever had. And once I get in, I will do my thing that I do very well. And I figure it is probably, maybe the only way I'm going to get to heaven. So I better do a good job." —speaking to evangelical leaders in Orlando, Florida, August 11, 2016 On the Media "They don’t write good. They have people over there, like Maggie Haberman and others, they don’t—they don’t write good. They don’t know how to write good." —attacking The New York Times in a grammatically flawed tirade, Fox News interview with Sean Hannity, Aug. 1, 2016 "I think our country does plenty of killing also, Joe." —seemingly unconcerned that Russian President Vladimir Putin kills journalists who disagree with him, when pressed to condemn such actions in an interview with MSNBC's Joe Scarborough "The man that wrote the second book...didn't write the first book. The difference was like chicken salad and chicken s**t." —on President Obama's books On the Military "I always wanted to get the Purple Heart. This was much easier." —on receiving a Purple Heart as a gift from a retired lieutenant colonel and supporter, August 2, 2016 "I know more about ISIS than the generals do, believe me...I would bomb the sh**t out of them."—Nov. 13, 2015 "This is the Trump theory on war. But I'm good at war. I've had a lot of wars of my own. I'm really good at war. I love war in a certain way. But only when we win." —though he never served in the military and received five draft deferments, Fort Dodge, Iowa, Nov. 12, 2015 "He’s not a war hero. He’s a war hero because he was captured. I like people that weren’t captured." —on John McCain On His Sacrifices "I think I've made a lot of sacrifices. I work very, very hard." —rejecting the assertion made at the Democratic convention by Muslim lawyer Khizr Khan, whose son died in Iraq in 2004, that Trump had "sacrificed nothing and no one." Trump was unable to name a single sacrifice when pressed to elaborate, ABC News interview, July 30, 2016. On Immigration "Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until our country's representatives can figure out what is going on." —campaign statement "I will build a great wall—and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me—and I'll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words." Insults About Specific Women "If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America?" "You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her wherever." —insulting Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly over questions she asked during the first Republican primary debate "Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president I mean, she's a woman, and I'm not s'posedta say bad things, but really, folks, come on. Are we serious?" —on Republican presidential candidate Carly Fiorina "Even a race to Obama, [Hillary Clinton] was gonna beat Obama. I don't know who would be worse, I don't know, how could it be worse? But she was going to beat—she was favored to win—and she got schlonged, she lost, I mean she lost." —using a vulgar Yiddish word in reference to Clinton "I'd like to hear [her] say something." —smearing Ghazala Khan, the mother of a fallen American soldier, by implying that she was not allowed to speak, despite the fact that she has spoken publicly about her son's death, ABC News interview, July 30, 2016 "Must be a pretty picture, you dropping to your knees." —to female "Celebrity Apprentice" contestant Brande Roderick, after another cast member said she had gotten down on her knees and begged not to be fired"If I were running 'The View,' I'd fire Rosie [O'Donnell]. I mean, I'd look her right in that fat, ugly face of hers, I'd say, "Rosie, you're fired." On Gays "It's like in golf. A lot of people — I don't want this to sound trivial — but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive. It’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can't sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist." —telling The New York Times why he opposes gay marriage “The LGBT community, the gay community, the lesbian community—they are so much in favor of what I’ve been saying over the last three or four days. Ask the gays what they think and what they do, in, not only Saudi Arabia, but many of these countries, and then you tell me—who’s your friend, Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton?" —in a boast that provoked widespread ridicule from the LGBT community, June 15, 2016 On His Family “I like kids. I mean, I won’t do anything to take care of them. I’ll supply funds, and she’ll take care of the kids." "I don't think Ivanka would do that, although she does have a very nice figure. I've said if Ivanka weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her." —when asked how he would react if Ivanka posed for Playboy "Yeah, she's really something, and what a beauty, that one. If I weren't happily married and, ya know, her father..." —on his daughter Ivanka "She really has become a monster...I mean monster in the most positive way." —on his pregnant wife Melania Other Offensive or Stupid Comments "I don't know what hotel this is, but you ought to try turning on the air conditioning or we're not going to get you paid." —delivering an extended rant about a hot ballroom at the Hotel Roanoke & Conference Center in Virginia. The hotel said the air conditioning system was working properly, July 26, 2016. "Appreciate the congrats for being right on radical Islamic terrorism, I don't want congrats, I want toughness & vigilance. We must be smart!" —tweeting a humble brag following the Orlando shooting massacre, June 12, 2016 "Happy Cinco de Mayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!" —via Twitter "What do I know about it? All I know is what's on the internet." —on trying to smear a protester who rushed the stage at his campaign rally by tweeting a widely debunked hoax video tying him to ISIS, 'Meet the Press' interview, March 13, 2016"Just so you understand, I don't know anything about David Duke, OK? I don't know anything about what you're even talking about with white supremacy or white supremacists. So I don't know. I don't know—did he endorse me, or what's going on? Because I know nothing about David Duke; I know nothing about white supremacists." —refusing to condemn former Ku Klux Klan grand wizard and noted white supremacist David Duke, who endorsed Trump for president, February 28, 2016"It is better to live one day as a lion than 100 years as a sheep.” —in a tweet quoting fascist Italian dictator Benito Mussolini, February 28, 2016"For a religious leader to question a person's faith is disgraceful. I am proud to be a Christian.…If and when the Vatican is attacked by ISIS, which as everyone knows is ISIS' ultimate trophy, I can promise you that the Pope would have only wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been President because this would not have happened." —in response to remarks by Pope Francis saying that "a person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian." (February 18, 2016) “Now, the poor guy—you've got to see this guy, ‘Ah, I don't know what I said! I don't remember!'" —mocking New York Times investigative reporter Serge Kovaleski, who has a physical disability called arthrogryposis that limits flexibility in his arms, by jerking his arms in front of his body "I will build you...one of the great ballrooms of the world." —on building a $100 million ballroom at the White House "You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people." "If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country, I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses!" "We're gonna bring businesses back. We're gonna have businesses that used to be in New Hampshire, that are now in Mexico, come back to New Hampshire, and you can tell them to go f**k themselves. Because they let you down, and they left!" —at a rally in Portsmouth, New Hampshire "These people—I'd like to use really foul language. I won't do it. I was going to say they're really full of s**t, but I won't say that." —speaking about politicians at a campaign rally in Exeter, New Hampshire"When it comes time to default, they’re not going to remember any of the Republicans’ names. They are going to remember in history books one name, and that's Obama." —urging Republicans to force a default on America's debt so that Obama wouldn't be reelected "In life you have to rely on the past, and that's called history." —on "Celebrity Apprentice"