Does Kissing a Girl When You're Drunk Make You Bisexual?

What if You Enjoy It?

Dear Lesbian Life:
I'm 18 and recently I was on a snowboard trip
in Canada with a bunch of my friends from school. Everyone was drunk, and people started to kiss each other, mostly girl on girl. One girl asked me if I minded if someone kissed me. I said I wouldn't mind. As soon as I answered she grabbed me and we were making out for a minute.

Later that night, she pushed me on the couch and we went at it again.

Then, later she was lying on the bed and I got on top of her and we did it again. It was my first kiss EVER, but I was surprised that it was with a girl. I liked every second of it.

Before this happened I was never attracted to this particular girl, but now every time I see her I wish we can do it again. I know the other girl isn't a lesbian, because she has had a boyfriend. I like men and women, but now all I can think about it kissing the girl. Does this make me a lesbian or bisexual, or is this just a drunken fling?
Nancy of the North

Dear Nancy,

This is a great question. Personally, I wouldn’t want to make any life altering decision based on something that happened when I was drunk!

However, you can’t undo the fact that your first kiss happened under the influence of alcohol. I’m sad to report that I think it happens that way for a lot of same-sex kisses. We need a bit of that “liquid courage” before we feel bold enough to make a move.

It’s not something I recommend, though. Everyone has a story of doing or saying something they regret when drinking. And when sex is involved, it can be downright dangerous.

Are You Bisexual?

So, to answer your question, are you lesbian or bisexual or was it just a drunken fling? I don’t think either one of us can know that just yet.
Coming out is not something that you figure out in one day, or one weekend.

I suggest you start to pay attention to where you are drawn both physically and emotionally. Many people have same-sex experiences in their lives and they still identify as straight.

The thing that makes me (and probably you) question your sexual orientation is that you can’t stop thinking about kissing this girl again. Could it be that this is just your first sexual experience, and you are excited and turned on? Or is it that you really do prefer girls?

I think it’s too early to tell. Pack this experience in your backpack, pull it out and revisit it from time to time. See what else ends up in there. As you grow older, have more crushes, more sexual experiences and fall in love, eventually it will all sort out for you. There is no need to rush to identify yourself one way or another.

But do be sure to have some experiences when you are sober. Then you’ll be able to be more fully present and pay attention to what is going on internally for you in the moment. Good luck!


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