10 Crazy News Stories You Won't Believe Are Not 'The Onion'

Caught napping or perhaps you've received some bad news.

MrPliskin / Getty Images

These days it's virtually impossible to tell the difference between real news and fake news, and the headlines shared on Reddit's "Not the Onion" are not helping matters. This subreddit contains headlines for true stories that are so strange and unusual you won't believe they're not pulled directly from satirical fake news website The Onion.

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National Geographic Hires Jeff Goldblum

Actor Jeff Goldblum looking interested

Axelle/Bauer-Griffin / Getty Images

"... to Walk Around, Being Professionally Fascinated by Things."

The AV Club reported that perpetually awe-struck actor Jeff Goldblum has a new show coming out called "The Curiosity of Jeff Goldblum." The show will appear on the National Geographic channel and "will see him investigate the joys of common day phenomena like baseball and making toilet paper."

Excuse me a moment while I program my DVR....

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Hipster Whines at Tech Mag for Using His Picture

Twin hipster men looking at tablet

BenAkiba / Getty Images

"...to Imply Hipsters Look the Same, Discovers Pic Was of an Entirely Different Hipster."

Well, this is awkward. According to The Register, the MIT Technology Review ran a story about how hipsters can try so hard to look different that they wind up all looking alike. The publication used a Getty stock image of a hipster-type in a plaid shirt, and soon received an angry and lawsuit-threatening email from a reader who claimed the stock image was him and was also somehow defamatory. After a bit of digging, Getty Images confirmed that no... it wasn't the same guy at all. They just looked, you know, exactly the same.


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Uber’s Search for a Female CEO Has Been Narrowed Down to 3 Men

businessman hold hand with thumb up gesture, business man excited happy smile over big group of businesspeople background

gmast3r / Getty Images

Headline courtesy of The Washington Post.

In 2017, the ride-sharing company received more than its fair share of bad press and developed a reputation for sexism. After a nationwide search for a female CEO to tamper some of these reports, the search committee came up empty-handed. Quite simply, none of the high-powered female executives they approached were interested in taking the job. Ouch.

Iranian-American businessman Dara Khosrowshahi became Uber's new CEO in August 2017.

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UPS Loses Family’s $846K Inheritance

UPS driver working

Kevork Djansezian / Getty Images 

... Offers to Refund $32 Shipping Fee."

Newsweek reported, "A Canadian man says he's broke after the United Parcel Service lost track of his inheritance.The intended $846,000 delivery was a bank draft from TD Canada Trust, which still hasn't refunded the lost fortune 10 months later. Instead, UPS offered an apology and $32 to pay for the mailing costs."

Wow, what a generous offer! Thanks, UPS.

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Woman Named Marijuana Pepsi, Who Refused to Change Her Name

Pepsi soda bottles

Tim Boyle / Getty Images

"... Earns Her Ph.D. After Completing Dissertation on Black Names."

Blavity reported that the good doctor "wanted to prove to the world that, despite having a rather unique name, she could make it in life."

That's DOCTOR Marijuana Pepsi to you.

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Boy Takes Books in MICROWAVE After School Bans Bags

shrugging boy

Ismailciydem / Getty Images

"A schoolboy resorted to using a microwave to carry his books in to school as his school banned sixth formers from carrying large bags to lessons," reported Lincolnshire Live. "Seventeen-year-old Jacob Ford took the stand due to the 'ridiculous' rule change at Spalding Grammar School, which was put in place to prevent younger pupils from being injured."

Fighting the real battles! Seems like a rather heavy way to prove your point, but okay.

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R.I.P. Astronaut John Young

astronaut John Young smiling

Bettmann / Getty Images

"The First Man to Get Yelled at for Smuggling a Sandwich Into Space."

After astronaut John Young died in 2018 at the age of 87, the AV Club told the story of how back in 1965 "Young and fellow astronaut Gus Grissom were orbiting the Earth as part of the Gemini 3 mission. The duo were meant, in part, to be testing how astronauts might be able to eat in space; hence Grissom’s slight surprise when his co-pilot suddenly pulled an unauthorized corned beef sandwich out of his pocket."

Of all the things to be remembered for.... Not being an American hero or respected astronaut. Nah. They remember him for bringing a corned beef sandwich into space.

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Five Guys Arrested After Fist Fight at Five Guys

Stuart, FL police dept cruiser in front of Five Guys Restaurant

Via Facebook 

Some of these headlines just write themselves.

According to the Orlando Sentinel, police in Stuart, Florida received a report of a fist fight inside a Five Guys Burgers and Fries restaurant. When they arrived they found three juveniles and two adults involved in a fist fight. In other words, five guys were fighting at Five Guys.

Only in Florida!

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School Turns Students' Lunch Debt Over to Collection Agency

school lunch tray of food

Warren Lynch & Associates / Getty Images

NBC4i reports that Cranston School District in Rhode Island found themselves $45,000 in the hole only halfway through the school year thanks to unpaid student lunch debt. So naturally they did what any good educator focused on helping children succeed in their district would do—they sicced debt collectors on them.

I can feel the love. Can you?

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Macaulay Culkin to Legally Change His Middle Name to Macaulay Culkin

Macaulay Culkin tweet about changing middle name to Macaulay Culkin

Via Twitter 

WGNT told the tale that's too weird to be fake. In late 2018, former child actor Macaulay Culkin asked his Twitter audience to help him select a new legal middle name. Just like Boaty McBoat-Face before him, Mac was not disappointed by the response.

Merry Christmas, Macaulay Macaulay Culkin Culkin! Your gift is a gift to us all.

If you think these headlines are weird, check out these 25 Bizarre News Stories You Won't Believe Are Actually Real.