Coming out Later in Life – Late in Life Lesbian

Coming out at 40, 50, 60 and Beyond

Portrait of mature women hugging in forest
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Many lesbians come out in their teens or 20s, but actually coming out later in life is not that uncommon. Many women come out as lesbian or bisexual in their 40s, 50s, 60s and even later.

People who are in their 50s and 60s now were raised in an era where being gay had much more stigma than it does now. Being gay or lesbian was taboo and not really talked about. They might not have ever even considered that they could have a relationship with another woman because it just wasn’t done.

Some women may have had same-sex attractions and supressed them. They got married, had kids and stayed with their husbands for the sake of the children, or because the thought of leaving was too scary.

Sometimes women who come out as lesbian later in life look back and realize they were always gay. They remember attractions to friends when they were younger that they wrote off as close or intimate friendships. They always preferred the company of women. They never really enjoyed sex with men, or had unfulfilling relationships. For others, finding themselves falling in love with another woman is kind of shocking. Perhaps they had good relationships with men all along, enjoyed sex with men and raised a family. Then out of the blue, they find themselves being attracted sexually to women. Or they find themselves in love with a friend.

Resources For Women Coming Out Later in Life

  • Stop by the Lesbian Life Forum to talk to other lesbians who have gone through some of the same things you are.
  • Sage is an organization that provides resources for older gays, lesbians and transgender people.
  • OLOC is an organization for lesbians who want to be politically active.
  • Looking for love after 50