5 Key Tips for Writing a Closure Letter to Your Ex

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Finding closure after a relationship has ended isn’t always easy. In fact, there are many different strategies that can help you on this journey, such as breaking off all contact with this person and taking the time you need to actually feel and deal with your feelings. In addition, one of the most powerful tools for those seeking closure is to write a letter to an ex. Specifically, composing this kind of letter can truly help you to have an emotional release that enables you to move on from this person.

With this in mind, here are five key tips for writing a letter that can help you to finally find the closure you’ve been desiring.

1. Stay clear-headed.

When you sit down to write a closure letter to your ex, it’s important that you’re in the right state of mind. For example, writing the letter when you’re under the influence of alcohol, after you’ve had a hard day at the office or during a long and painful crying session over your breakup isn’t the best way to approach any important type of writing exercise, especially one pertaining to your love life. Instead, find a time when you’re level-headed, can think about your past relationship in a rational and objective way and are able to truly focus your thoughts without any interruptions or distractions.

2. Focus the content on yourself.

When crafting a letter to your ex, the focus of the letter should be on yourself. In other words, rather than pointing out all the ways that his or her behavior was unacceptable, blaming him or her for things that transpired in the relationship and criticizing his or her actions, the better approach is to look internally.

For example, you should write down how you felt when certain things occurred and do your best to explain how you were disappointed, sad or upset as a result of various situations. You can also use this time to explain your own actions and why you reacted in such a way when things transpired between the two of you.

If your approach is one of self-explanation rather than accusations, your message is more likely to get across.  

3. Don’t be mean.

If you’re going to write a closure letter to your ex, it’s imperative that you take the high road and act like a mature adult. And that means keeping the insults, jabs and name-calling out of the letter, both in terms of specifics as well as the overall tone itself, since you’re not that kind of person. After all, if your ex feels disrespected, judged and/or that his or her character is being attacked, he or she will immediately shut down and disregard anything that you put in your letter because you’re coming off as juvenile. So rather than acting in an immature way and relying on criticism and low-blows, you should opt to take the high road instead.

4. Write from your heart.

While the letter may be addressed to your ex, you should remember that this letter is actually for you in the sense that it’s helping you to get on with your life. And that means writing with your best interest in mind. For instance, while it may be challenging to forgive your ex for what transpired in your relationship, you can take this opportunity to forgive this person for your own sake and shed the heavy burden that his or her wrongdoing has placed upon you.

In addition, you can also use this letter as an opportunity to apologize to your ex. After all, if you know that you wronged him or her and this has been preventing you from finding the closure you’ve been seeking, this is the perfect time to say you’re sorry. 

5. Remember that you don’t have to send the letter.

If you choose to write a closure letter to your ex, it’s important to keep in mind that you don’t actually have to send this letter to him or her. In fact, it’s not uncommon to find that the simple act of writing out your thoughts and feelings about what happened between the two of you and where things went wrong in your relationship can be powerful enough to help you find the closure you’re seeking. You also have the option of reading this letter to a close friend, family member or mental health professional who will truly listen to you, support you and provide guidance as well.

Remember, finding closure doesn’t happen overnight, but the very act of writing this letter can help you to start this important process.