Can You Turn Friends with Benefits into More?

Friends with benefits
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If you’re involved in a “friends with benefits” type of relationship, you may be wondering if it’s possible to turn it into something more. After all, it’s clear that you have a certain chemistry with this person, you trust him or her and you enjoy being around one another. But is there a way to turn this kind of friends with benefits connection into a committed relationship? Fortunately, the answer is “yes.”

What does being friends with benefits actually mean? In the most basic sense, being friends with benefits means that you and another person have a mainly physical relationship that has no strings attached. In other words, you enjoy hooking up and being with one another, but your feelings for each other are not romantic. You’re also not monogamous with him or her, nor are you committed to each other in any way, yet you do have a certain spark with him or her.

However, if your feelings for this other person start to get stronger and you’re longing to change your friendship into a real relationship, there are five key steps that can help you transition your friends with benefits connection into something more.

1. Look for signs that he or she may want to be more than friends with benefits. If you’re wondering if you have the potential to take your friends with benefits relationship to the next level, it’s time to tune into your friend’s cues and clues that he or she may want something more, too.

Does this person include you in other aspects of his or her life besides hooking up? Do you meet for dinner, enjoy date-like activities or even visit his or her family together? If this person chooses to include you in other aspects of his or her life that provide emotional satisfaction rather than purely physical gratification, this is a clear-cut sign that he or she may want something more.

2. Create more opportunities to hang out. If your friend hasn’t taken the lead and invited you to partake in other aspects of his or her life that don’t involve hooking up, it’s time for you to step up to the plate. If you create more opportunities and situations for you to hang out that don’t involve the bedroom, you can see firsthand if this other person is interested in exploring something more with you. For example, if he or she accepts your offer to go to a birthday party together, this is a great sign that he or she may want something more, as you’ll be enjoying each other’s company in a new setting and with a different intention besides merely hooking up. However, if the reaction you get is that of confusion or aversion, this is also an important indication that he or she isn’t really interested in changing your current physical relationship.  

3. Keep yourself available to other people. When you’re involved in a friends with benefits type of relationship, an important step is to not be 100% available to him or her at all times. And while it may seem counterintuitive, especially if your desire is to develop a committed relationship with him or her, it’s important to realize that just being open and available to other people can actually show this person what he or she has the potential to lose.

And in many cases, your decision to not be completely available to him or her can be enough to intrigue him or her and peak his or her interests into wanting more. After all, if you make him or her realize exactly what he or she’s missing when you’re not around, this can actually help your friend discover his or her true feelings about you and may impel him or her to turn your current friends with benefits relationship into something more beneficial in every respect.  

4. Set a time frame of how much longer you’re willing to just stay friends with benefits. If you’re looking to turn your friends with benefits relationship into a committed relationship, it’s imperative that you set a time frame in your mind regarding your willingness and ability to stay in the friend zone. If your desire to be his or her girlfriend or boyfriend is so strong that your feelings for this person are overpowering you, it may be extremely difficult and unhealthy for you to indefinitely put yourself in a position where your needs aren’t being met.

And as much as friends with benefits relationships can work, they’re only successful if both members are on the same page in terms of their feelings for one another. Remember, you owe it to yourself as well as your friend to decide how much longer you can remain in limbo as friends with benefits.

5. Communicate your feelings to him or her. Once you gauge how much longer you can stay as friends with benefits, it’s up to you to tell him or her how you feel. While you shouldn’t pressure him or her to be in a committed relationship with you, giving this person some insight into your feelings may help him or her recognize his or her own feelings about you. And once you tell him or her that you’re interested in having something more, you’ll be able to finally get your answer about his or her thoughts and intentions for the future. Knowledge is power, and when the cards are all out on the table, you’ll either be able to cash in on a committed relationship or start taking steps to move on from this person and find the real relationship you want and deserve.