Can You Tell When a Man Is Ready to Ejaculate?

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There are lots of guys who want to learn to control their ejaculation, and in the process need to learn to tell when they are about to ejaculate.  

But they aren't the only ones who want to know if, or when, you can tell if a guy is coming to come. I've received several emails from people who have sex with men who, for their own varied reasons, would rather have a bit of warning.  The question is: can you know?

Orgasm vs Ejaculation

For people who email me and simply ask: can you tell when he is going to come, we need to start by distinguishing ejaculation (the moment when semen is expelled from the penis) from orgasm, the subjective feeling of release and pleasure which may happen just before, just after, or at the same time as ejaculation. 

There is still a lot of misinformation out there about male sexual response. People are often surprised to learn that ejaculation and orgasm in men are two separate events. Ejaculation is a physiological event, something you can usually observe, whereas orgasm is a perceived experience, which may or may not be something you can "see".

Researchers have broken ejaculation down even further, describing it as three different events: emission, ejaculation, and orgasm.

In the first stage, emission, there are some muscular contractions and the semen is pushed to the base of the urethra (the tube that both urine and ejaculate come out of at the tip of the penis).

In the second stage, ejaculation, the semen is propelled out of the penis. The third stage, orgasm, is far less understood, and refers to a subjective experience that may or may not accompany the ejaculation.

If You Want to Know, Ask

The easiest way to tell is to ask the man you’re having sex with to tell you and ask for a bit of warning.

Sometimes people feel embarrassed about this, or shy, or think that talking about what’s happening during sex takes the mystery out of it. In fact one of the best ways to incorporate more sexual communication in your life is to start by doing precisely what you’re asking about; have sex and describe to each other everything that’s happening. There’s nothing wrong with asking a guy to tell you when he’s going to come, and if you’re experiencing any anxiety about it then you should definitely ask.

Signs He May Be Close

What happens if a guy doesn’t know when he’s going to come? This is definitely a possibility, particularly with younger guys.

There are some signs of impending ejaculation, although everybody is different and they won’t always apply. Some of the signs include:

  • A feeling just prior to ejaculation that some guys describe as “tickling” and others say is just the feeling that they’ve gone over the top and can’t go back (researchers call this “ejaculatory inevitability”)
  • Pre-ejaculate, also called pre-cum
  • The testicles and scrotum rises up nearer to the body
  • Sudden tension in the body just moments before ejaculation
  • Change in breathing

Some of these you might be able to notice, others you’ll never catch, and still others won’t apply to some men who they don’t happen to.

Of course the more you have sex with someone the better you can become at “reading” their body. You may notice other signs, like a particular spot where they get extra sweaty, or a way their body moves, or their breathing, or maybe they start to hum just before ejaculation. If you’re perceptive you can probably figure out the signs.

But the easier way to do this, and the one that works right away, is just to ask.