Take Time for Yourself to Strengthen Your Devotion to Your Spouse

Don't let your passion become a burden—love your spouse and yourself

Credit: Christian Vierig. Getty Images

When you are married, especially as a newlywed, it feels like your love can do no wrong. But the banalities of life slip in eventually, and you have to be prepared to face them. That means that you should have a sense of who you are ahead of who you are in your marriage. 

Maintaining a sense of individuality in marriage only happens when you are able to have relationships outside the marriage, such as friendships or mentorships; an extramarital affair would not be appropriate, of course.

Women are more inclined to enjoy time with their spouse if they have also spent time with friends and relatives on a regular basis. Men could learn something from women since men tend to depend more on a wife for supportive type relationships. 

It is scientifically proven that we have more interest in our spouse if we spend time apart. Birth rates increase after war veterans return home. Primates celebrate the return of the hunter to the group after a long absence. There is something to the idea that separateness can be good for relationships. 

If men create close relationships with other men, they find they have outside support during times when their wife is emotionally unavailable to them. Having an interest in activities that takes them outside the home can also be important in helping men to become less dependent on a wife and more fulfilled as a husband and, just in general. 

How To Know You're Spending Too Much Time With Your Spouse 

Couples who spend too much time together:

  • Have less to talk about.
  • Have less intimacy.
  • Are rarely motivated to go out together.
  • Take each other for granted.
  • Don't get the opportunity to miss each other.

If you find that you have nothing to talk about on your date night, use that moment to understand what the problem is. By shifting perspective slightly, you can see your relationship in a new light, which can revive your spark.

After a couple of years of marriage, intimacy may come to a grinding halt. It's hard to maintain sexual interest in someone who is standing there every time you turn around. When your spouse becomes your sure thing, you start taking them for granted, the relationship can quickly go down the tubes when that happens. 

Spending time apart promotes an appreciation of your marriage and each other. It means not losing yourself, your hobbies and your friends and that, in turn, leads to happier people who come together after being apart and form happy marriages.

Is it time for you and your spouse to start taking time apart? To start taking the opportunity to go out with friends and do things you enjoy and letting your spouse do the same. If so, go for it, the rewards will be worth the change in habitually spending all your time with your spouse.