Can Your Secret Relationship Actually Work?

  Christian Vierig

"Secret relationships" can be packed with excitement, anticipation and intrigue, as keeping your romantic relationship with someone under wraps can often create highly passionate moments between the two of you. Having this kind of illicit secret with someone can often make the relationship seem even more exhilarating and tempting, since you're the only two people in the world who know what's really happening between you. Much like Chandler and Monica on "Friends," there can be something quite thrilling about sneaking around and sharing a connection with someone that's unknown to those around you.

While some secret relationships can actually work in the long run, it's typically because the secret finally comes out in the open. They tend to work out only if they stop being secret relationships in the not-so-distant future. It's imperative to fully understand several truths about secret relationships before you enter this kind of forbidden and hidden love affair.

1. You Can Turn Into a Dishonest Person

If you're going to enter a secret romantic relationship with someone, it's important to keep in mind how it may affect your relationship with those around you. For example, you may find yourself lying to your friends, family, and coworkers about where you are, who you're with, where you're going, and what you're doing. Keeping track of the web of lies that you're creating as you keep your relationship a secret can often end up coming back to bite you.

If your relationship does one day come out in the open, those around you may feel hurt and betrayed that you weren't entirely honest with them. And while it may be thrilling to be engaging in activities that only you and your partner know about, having to cover your tracks can send you down a dishonest path that can be hard to reverse. 

2. They Will Hurt More Than Just You

Aside from lying and deliberately deceiving those around you, there are often far more sinister reasons why secret relationships are in fact meant to be kept "secret" in the first place. You may be causing irreparable damage to many different aspects of your life in the process.

For example, you or your partner may be involved with someone else or are in fact married and cheating on your spouse. Or perhaps the two of you work together and a relationship would mean that one or both of you could lose your jobs. There's also the possibility that one or both of you are in a situation where those around you wouldn't approve of this kind of illicit relationship.

Not only does a secret relationship often hurt others, particularly the people you care about, it can also end up hurting you on various levels. It can take a toll on your self-esteem, and you may start feeling inadequate, sad, or like a bad person because of the secret nature of your relationship. 

3. Sustainable? Yah Right

If you're thinking about entering a secret relationship, it's important to understand that things often don't end up staying secret for long. If you're looking to have your secret relationship actually work in the long-term, it's better if you deliberately bring out the truth in the short-term. If you truly want your relationship to survive, you need to enter the relationship with the full intention that it'll one day be out in the open — sooner rather than later.

Entering a secret relationship should give you some pause just by the very nature that it's meant to be a secret, and this can help to clue you in that this isn't the best idea for you, your partner, and the people you care about. However, if your goal is to make the relationship work, the veil of secrecy has to be something that both you and your partner want to remove at some juncture.

While it's your decision if you'd like to be in a secret relationship with someone, it's no secret that you should fully understand the potential consequences beforehand.