California Recall Jokes

Late-Night Jokes and Funny Quips about the California Recall Election

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Arnold Schwarzenegger Jokes
Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes
Latest Late-Night Jokes
"It looks like it's going to be Arnold Schwarzenegger or Gray Davis. You got a robot from the future or a robot with no future." —Jay Leno
"Six women have come forward that say Arnold Schwarzenegger groped them without their consent. This proves he would be a hands-on governor." —Jay Leno
"I have two questions about Arnold Schwarzenegger. What does he know, and when will he know it?" —Bill Maher
"A lot of critics are saying Arnold can't get elected because he's just an ambitious guy with a famous name, who doesn't know anything about running the government. Didn't hurt George Bush." —Jay Leno
"Finally, a candidate who can explain the Bush administration's positions on civil liberties in the original German." —Bill Maher, on Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Here's how bad California looks to the rest of the country. People in Florida are laughing at us." —Jay Leno
"(Gray Davis) said there was going to be a deficit and there was, though larger than he expected. Bush said there was going to be a surplus and there's a $400 billion deficit. And he's the hero. I guess Gray Davis missed the part where you invade Oregon." —Comedian Will Durst
"In order to comply with this equal time rule, TV stations in California cannot run any of Arnold's movies between now and the election because it would be like giving him free publicity. And because it would be free publicity for Gray Davis, they cannot show the movie 'Dean Man Walking.'" —Jay Leno
"California has gone insane. According to the latest poll, Arnold Schwarzenegger is leading in California's governor's race by 34 points. You can tell that Governor Gray Davis is worried because he spent all day yesterday working on his pecs." —Conan O'Brien
"An NBC News poll has found that if the election were held today, 31% of California voters would vote for Arnold Schwarzenegger and 26% were not sure. Today Gray Davis announced he is changing his name to 'Not Sure.'" —Jay Leno
"Earlier in the week, Governor Gray Davis and former president Bill Clinton made a joint appearance at an elementary school here in Los Angeles. Actually it was kind of embarrassing — Davis lost all of the kids' lunch money and Clinton had sex with their teacher." —Jay Leno
"Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language." —Conan O'Brien
"The latest polls show that Arnold Schwarzenegger is trailing Lieutenant Governor Cruz Bustamante in the polls. That's insane. I mean, think about it, this guy Cruz Bustamante has never even been in a movie." —David Letterman
"Apparently 26 years ago, Arnold gave an interview to Oui magazine about his sex life. The good news is that Arnold is married to Maria Shriver and now that he's had a sex scandal, the Kennedy family has finally accepted him." —Jay Leno
"Eunice Kennedy Shriver, President Kennedy's sister, endorsed Arnold Schwarzenegger, said he's not a womanizer. Of course by Kennedy standards that means he never drove one off a bridge." —Bill Maher
"An old interview of Arnold Schwartzenegger has surfaced where he admits to smoking a lot of pot and having sex with hookers. Finally a Republican all Californians can get behind." —David Letterman
"Arnold Schwarzenegger has come out against gay marriage. He said marriage is a sacred union between a groupie and any number of body builders." —Bill Maher
"So, Arnold chooses to dispel rumors of misogyny by implying that he will kill Arianna Huffington in his next movie." —Jon Stewart, after Schwarzenegger said he had a perfect role for Huffington in "Terminator 4"
"I love all these politicians, they all say the same thing — 'We'll give California back to the people.' Yeah, great, now that it's not worth anything, they want to give it back to us." —Jay Leno

"When we finally have this recall election in October, there could be as many as 200 people on the ballot. And you know what's really scary? Most of them don't know the first thing about driving a state into bankruptcy. They're not experts like Governor Gray Davis." —Jay Leno
"You all know who Mary Carey is? She's the porn star who's running for governor, and she has this Web site where she does naked jumping jacks. You know, I think I speak to most guys when I say, 'Yeah, that's all well and good, but where does she stand on the issues?' ... Actually, Carey said today she's offered to debate six guys, all at the same time." —Jay Leno
"Larry Flynt, running for governor of California. His goal — change our state bird to the spread eagle." —Craig Kilborn
"Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flint is also running for governor. I don't know, on election day, do you really want supporters of Larry Flint going into a curtained booth by themselves?" —Jay Leno "Arianna Huffington's former husband Michael — he's the gay ex-congressman — he has endorsed Arnold. So this is the second time he's left Arianna for another man." —Jay Leno
"Have you heard of this porn star named Mary Carey who is running for governor? Carey is running on a platform of taxing breast implants, which, of course, are California's largest natural resource." —Jay Leno "Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and adult film star Mary Carey, they're also running. See you know what bothers me about the two of them? See, this could split the all-important porn vote." —Jay Leno "As of today, Arnold Schwarzenegger has filed to run for governor, Gary Coleman has filed, Gallagher has filed, Larry Flynt, Angelyne — I don't know if it's an election or a bad episode of 'Hollywood Squares.'" —Jay Leno
"Today the Secretary of State said that of the 247 candidates, so far 115 of them have been certified. How embarrassing is that? Imagine if you were turned down because you didn't meet the high standards set by Larry Flynt and Gallagher." —Jay Leno
"California is choosing between the lesser of, uh, 300 evils." —Jon Stewart