Funny Quotes by President Bill Clinton

Bill Clinton Appears On The Daily Show With John Stewart

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Here are some of the funniest stuff Bubba said during his tenure as president.


  • "It depends on what the meaning of the words 'is' is." — during his 1998 grand jury testimony on the Monica Lewinsky affair
  • "It depends on how you define alone…" — in his grand jury testimony
  • "There were a lot of times when we were alone, but I never really thought we were." –Bill Clinton, in his grand jury testimony
  • "What's a man got to do to get in the top fifty?" — reacting to a survey of journalists that ranked the Monica Lewinsky scandal as the 53rd most significant story of the century
  • "I don't know whether it's the finest public housing in America or the crown jewel of the American penal system." — on the White House
  • "When I was in England, I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn't like it. I didn't inhale and never tried it again."
  • "Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that." — to a woman friend, while he was a Rhodes scholar at Oxford
  • "It was a real sort of Southern deal. I had AstroTurf in the back. You don't want to know why, but I did." — reminiscing about a pickup truck he once owned
  • "You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out. That's a good-looking mummy" — looking at "Juanita," a newly discovered Incan mummy on display at the National Geographic Museum
  • "Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening."
  • "Last year, the vice president launched a new effort to help make communities more liberal." — during his 2000 State of the Union Speech. He meant to say "more livable," and then made the same slip-up in a subsequent sentence, drawing uproarious laughter from Republicans
  • "I asked him to do it because he was the only person that I could trust to read all 150,000 pages in the Code of Federal Regulations." — on asking Vice President Al Gore to tackle federal regulatory reform
  • "I'm someone who had a deep emotional attachment to 'Starsky and Hutch.'"
  • "Sometimes I feel like the fire hydrant looking at a pack of dogs. For six years I had declined to tell those kinds of jokes, because I have been told it is not presidential. But I feel kind of outdoorsy today." — at a party honoring the 150th anniversary of the Interior Department
  • "Well, I don't have much job security." — in 1992, on why he still plays the saxophone
  • "Usually briefs." — during a 1994 MTV town meeting whether he wore boxer shorts or briefs
  • "Look, half the time when I see the evening news, I wouldn't be for me, either." — in 1995, on a pre-campaign swing through Montana and Colorado
  • "There are always going to be people who want to be president, and some days I'd like to give it to them." — in 1993
  • "The economy has produced 6.1 million jobs since I became president, and if Michael Jordan comes back to the Bulls, it will be 6,100,001 jobs." — in 1995
  • "It wasn't my finest hour. It wasn't even my finest hour and a half." — after giving an endless nominating speech for Michael Dukakis at the 1988 Democratic convention
  • "You'd think he was running for First Lady." — on George H. W. Bush's criticism of Hillary Clinton
  • "If President Reagan could be an actor and become president, maybe I could become an actor. I've got a good pension. I can work for cheap." — at a Hollywood fundraiser
  • "I may not have been the greatest president, but I've had the most fun eight years."

See Also:
Funny Hillary Clinton Memes
Bill Clinton Cartoons
• Bill Clinton Humor Roundup