Entertainment TV & Film Best 'Big Bang Theory' Quotes Funniest Lines From the CBS Sitcom Share PINTEREST Email Print CBS Television TV & Film TV Shows Comedies Dramas Documentaries Shows For Kids Movies By Josh Bell Josh Bell has been TV critic for Las Vegas Weekly since 2004. His film reviews have also appeared in The Dissolve, LA Weekly, and Film Racket. our editorial process Facebook Facebook Twitter Twitter Josh Bell Updated March 08, 2019 While socially oblivious super-nerd Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons) may have the best lines on The Big Bang Theory, all of the show’s characters, nerds and non-nerds alike, have funny things to say. Check out this list of the best Big Bang Theory quotes from the whole cast. From “Pilot” (Season 1) Leonard defends his enthusiasm for Penny’s job at the Cheesecake Factory. Leonard: I love cheesecake.Sheldon: You’re lactose intolerant.Leonard: I don’t eat it. I just think it’s a good idea. From “The Big Bran Hypothesis” (Season 1) Leonard is frustrated with Sheldon’s inability to understand sarcasm.Leonard: For God’s sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?Sheldon: You have a sarcasm sign? From “The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization” (Season 1) Leonard: You are not Isaac Newton.Sheldon: No, no, that’s true. Gravity would have been apparent to me without the apple. From “The Pancake Batter Anomaly” (Season 1) Sheldon is recalling a time when he was sick.Sheldon: Anyway, the housekeeper in the faculty residence didn’t speak any English. When I finally managed to convince her I was sick, she said, “Möchtest du eine Darmspülung?”Penny: What does that mean?Sheldon: Based on what happened next, I assume it means, “Would you like an enema?” From “The Hofstadter Isotope” (Season 2) Howard: I am a horny engineer; I never joke about math or sex. From “The Bad Fish Paradigm” (Season 2) Sheldon is staying over at Howard and Raj’s place.Howard: How’s the air mattress?Sheldon: It’s okay, if you don’t mind sleeping on a bouncy castle. From “The Griffin Equivalency” (Season 2) Sheldon: I often forget other people have limitations. It’s so sad.Howard: He can feel sadness?Leonard: Not really. It’s what you and I would call condescension. From “The Killer Robot Instability” (Season 2) The guys have created a robot for a competition.Sheldon: Is it wrong to say I love our killer robot?Raj: As with my father I both love and fear it. From “The Work Song Nanocluster” (Season 2) Howard is sick of Raj’s complaints about his upbringing.Howard: Oh, stop it with the fake third-world crap. Your father is a gynecologist, and you had a house full of servants.Raj: We only had four servants, and two of them were children. From “The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation” (Season 3) Penny tries to sympathize with Sheldon after he learns his scientific results were invalid.Penny: Sheldon, you know, I do understand what you’re going through.Sheldon: Really? Did you just have the Nobel Prize in waitressing stolen from you? From “The Jiminy Conjecture” (Season 3) Raj is uneasy about accompanying Sheldon and Howard to catch a cricket.Raj: I don’t like bugs, okay? They freak me out.Sheldon: Interesting. You’re afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic. From “The Gorilla Experiment” (Season 3) Penny is upset because she feels she isn’t smart enough for Leonard.Sheldon: Why are you crying?Penny: Because I’m stupid!Sheldon: That’s no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.