Ben Carson Jokes

Funny Late-Night Jokes Skewering GOP Presidential Candidate Ben Carson

Ben Carson Campaign Poster

See Also:
Donald Trump Memes
Funny Hillary Memes
Funny Ted Cruz Memes
Funny Bernie Memes

"Donald Trump has announced another Cabinet position. Dr. Ben Carson, who ran against him in the primary, has been nominated for secretary of Housing and Urban Development. I just get the feeling that Trump heard the word 'urban' and immediately decided, 'Who do I know who's black?'" –James Corden

"A lot of people are wondering why the Trump campaign would even invite Ted Cruz to speak at the convention in the first place. It turns out Ben Carson summoned him the night before by saying the word 'Lucifer' three times." –Jimmy Fallon

"Dr. Ben Carson hosted a Facebook Q&A last night, and said the loss of gun rights is more devastating than seeing people die from gun violence. So if Ben Carson is your doctor, definitely get a second opinion." –Seth Meyers

"This is what happens when you give Donald Trump attention: Everyone else seems reasonable in comparison. Ben Carson is over here saying 'You're Hitler!' 'Obamacare is slavery!' And we're like, 'Finally, an adult in the room!'" –James Corden

"A new report found that Donald Trump is no longer the most liked candidate on Facebook, and Ben Carson now has the most likes with over 4 million. Yeah, you can tell Carson was pretty excited because when he found out he actually opened BOTH eyes." –Jimmy Fallon

"Ben Carson continues to rise in the polls. But a lot of people think he's a little too laid back, or sleepy, to be president. When asked about hurricane Joaquin this week and how he would prepare, he said, 'uh. I don't know.' Is he talking about a hurricane or did he just drink a hurricane?" –Jimmy Fallon

"They're saying that Republican candidate Ben Carson made a number of serious mistakes as a neurosurgeon and even left a sponge in one patient's brain. When asked how it affected his life, the patient was like 'It's fine, I'm still running for president. I don't care. Everything's great. It's gonna be huge.'"–Jimmy Fallon (in Donald Trumps's voice)

"Despite claiming last week that he would have rushed the Oregon shooter to save lives, Dr. Ben Carson yesterday recounted how he was once held up at gunpoint in a Popeye’s Chicken and told the gunman, “I believe you want the guy behind the counter.” So we know at least one guy who’s DEFINITELY not voting for Ben Carson." –Seth Meyers

"For the first time this primary season, a national poll has placed Dr. Ben Carson as the Republican front-runner. Carson was so excited about the news, his eyes almost opened." –Seth Meyers

"Ben Carson talks like he forgot he had a press conference and just took a load of Benadryl. This guy is a retired surgeon. Apparently, instead of giving his patients anesthesia, he just talked to them until they passed out." –James Corden

"Ben Carson has made a lot of controversial statements. He's said prison turns people gay and that Obamacare is the worst thing to happen to our country since slavery. And that was just to his waitress at breakfast." –James Corden

"Republican candidate and neurosurgeon Dr. Carson is quoted as saying a Muslim should not be elected president. He apologized for the mistake and said, 'Hey, I'm no brain surgeon.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Ben Carson did not make a particularly strong impression last night. Ben Carson, to me, comes off like a guy who grabbed the wrong drink at Bill Cosby's house. –Jimmy Kimmel

"Jeb Bush admitted he smoked pot 40 years ago. And Ben Carson was like, 'Dude, I'm high right now. Why do you think I speak so slowly?'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"Jeb Bush admitted last night that he smoked marijuana in college. Not that shocking. But based on the speed he was talking, I'm pretty sure Ben Carson smoked marijuana at every commercial break." –Seth Meyers

"New national poll numbers show Dr. Ben Carson has pulled within four points of frontrunner Donald Trump. And I'm sure it's not the first time Trump has been closely pursued by a brain surgeon." –Seth Meyers

"It was a good day for Ben Carson. He just signed a deal to be the new face of Tylenol PM." –Jimmy Kimmel

Among the debaters tomorrow night is Ben Carson who is a neurosurgeon. Carson says he's not there to debate, he's there to diagnose exactly what's wrong with Donald Trump." –Conan O'Brien

Next > Latest Late-Night Jokes