Being Gay and Lonely

Tips for the Gay and Lonely

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Dear Mona,

I've been out for about three months now and it's been the most painful time of my life. I have been stood up, laughed at, shut out, and put down, and all this from the gay "community." I'm bipolar anyway, but this has got my moods going all over the map.

Can you direct me to a group spanning all ages where I can go and scream silently into someone's lap when it hurts; find dudes to hang with to help fight the loneliness and terrors; and share achievements in my life?

Dear Lonely Heart,

So many gay men live their lives in rote: They go to work, come home, watch TV, and look for guys in between.
Get out there on the scene. If the gay scene isn't for you, then delve into one of a million other scenes- volunteering, bowling, hiking, dining, etc.

Join a club with individuals who share your interests. There may even be a gay club for you to be a part of. And when you join, don't just be a member, be the president. Embrace yourself and give during this lonely time.

Giving of yourself in this manner will not only help you contribute to a greater cause, but will allow you to know more about yourself- bringing out talents and skills that might not have otherwise been seen.

Here are a few tips:
  1. Spend this time alone getting to know yourself.
    Curing loneliness by being alone can be a great thing. Spend the time reflecting on the positives in your life. If you feel you don't have any, create some. Be at peace being alone. It's only temporary.
  2. Find a gay community center in your area.
    Centers usually attract gay men with more positive attitudes.
  1. Try a gay-friendly religious organization.
    These groups break the mold of traditional religious ideals.
  2. Join an online community like the Gay Life forum.
    Discussion boards are a great way to commune with a virtual support network.
  3. Seek friends with an online profile.
    Language is everything. Attract gay buddies by writing an online profile in a way that attracts friends instead of one night stands.
    Surround yourself (online or in person) with as many positive influences as possible to keep your mood steady. Explore and you'll soon find other gay men that not only share your interests, but are looking for companionship as well.

    Yours in love, Mona