Why Do You Keep Attracting Bad Relationships Over and Over Again?

Relationship argument
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If you feel as though you keep attracting bad relationship after bad relationship, it’s important to take a closer look at your past. To that end, it may surprise you to learn that there are ways you’re contributing to your unfortunate relationship pattern without even realizing it. However, when you’re able to look at your past with a more critical eye, you’ll be better equipped to make the appropriate changes going forward that can prevent you from attracting another bad relationship.

1. Your confidence is low.

When you’re not feeling that great about yourself, you’re more likely to attract a partner who mirrors these feelings of insecurities and self-doubt directly back at you. In fact, if you feel as though you don’t deserve someone who treats you right, makes you a priority in his or her life and cares about you unconditionally, then your partner isn’t likely to do so. On the flip side, if you take steps toward improving your self-esteem and recognize that you’re worth it, your next partner will be better able to recognize and appreciate this about you as well. 

2. You’re choosing partners for the wrong reasons. ​

If you feel as though you’re attracting bad relationship after bad relationship, it’s important to take a closer look at your priorities in general. For instance, do you look to find partners who are kind, loyal and trustworthy or is your top must-have that your partner has an expensive car, a trust fund and a giant condo overlooking the park?

With this in mind, it’s in your best interest (so to speak) to take a moment to reevaluate your priorities and methods for choosing a partner and place a bit more value on invaluable characteristics and qualities.  

3. You like the chase. ​

If you think that you keep attracting bad relationships, another reason may simply be that you like the thrill of being with someone who’s not quite relationship-ready.

Specifically, you may find that you’re attracting people who aren’t looking for serious relationships, don’t want to make a commitment and don’t share your relationship values. And while the thrill of trying to be with someone who doesn’t want to be tied down may be fun and exciting in the moment, it’s only causing you heartache in the end. With this in mind, you should rethink your chase approach and try to meet someone who shares your relationship goals right from the start.

4. You view your partners as fixer-uppers.

When you find that you continue to attract bad relationships, this may also be due to the fact that you think you can change your partner. However, if you go into a relationship thinking that you can change the way your partner behaves, his or her smoking habits and/or even the type of shoes that he or she wears, you’re heading down a bad path. Going forward, the only thing that you need to fix is your strong desire to find a partner whom you believe is in need of fixing.  

5. You’re not being open-minded. ​

Part of the reason that many people end up having bad relationship after bad relationship is that they keep dating the same type of person. For instance, if you only date singers, hikers or cat-lovers because you believe that you only have things in common with them, you may end up simply having the same type of relationship over and over again and running into the same types of issues.

With this in mind, it’s in your best interest to keep an open mind and date a broader range of people with different backgrounds, interests and passions. You’ll likely find that you have more in common than you think, and you get the added benefit of being with someone who can introduce you to a new world of activities and experiences as well.

6. You like relationship drama. ​

Another reason why you may keep attracting bad relationships is that you’re actually addicted to relationship drama. And while it may seem counterintuitive, you actually like the focus and attention that you get from others when your relationship is on the rocks. And if you’re someone who thrives by being the center of attention, you may want to rethink your approach to relationships going forward and leave your drama days in the past.