Are You Being Abused? This Checklist Will Help You Decide

Are You Being Abused?
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Are You Being Abused?

Look over the following questions and signs of domestic abuse.

Think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner. Remember, when one person scares, hurts or continually puts down the other person, it's abuse.


Domestic Abuse Checklist:

Sings of Physical Abuse:

Your spouse...

  • Has given you a black eye.
  • Has grabbed you by the arms or body and refused to let you go.
  • Has pulled your hair.
  • Has thrown object at you.
  • Has left bruises or marks of physical harm on you.
  • Has threatened to hurt or kill you.
  • Threaten to take your children away or harm them.
  • Threaten to commit suicide if you leave.
  • Force you to have sex.
  • Destroy your belongings.

Signs Of Emotional Abuse:

Your spouse...

  • Regularly demeans or disregards your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs.
  • Uses sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.
  • Accuses you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks.
  • Tries to control you and treat you like a child.
  • Corrects or chastises you for your behavior.
  • You feel like you need permission to make decisions or go out somewhere.
  • Tries to control the finances and how you spend money.
  • Belittles and trivializes you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams.
  • Tries to make you feel as though he/she is always right, and you are wrong.
  • Gives you disapproving or contemptuous looks that cause you to feel shame or embarrassment.
  • Regularly points out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings.
  • Accuses you of things you know aren’t true.
  • Has an inability to laugh at themselves and can’t tolerate others laughing at them.
  • Intolerant of any seeming "lack of respect."
  • Makes excuses for their behavior, tries to blame others, and has difficulty apologizing or taking responsibility.
  • Repeatedly crosses your boundaries and ignores your requests.
  • Blames you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.
  • Calls you names, unpleasant labels, or makes cutting remarks under their breath.
  • Is emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time.
  • Resorts to pouting, the silent treatment or withdrawal to get what they want.
  • Doesn't show you empathy or compassion.
  • Plays the victim and tries blame you rather than taking personal responsibility.
  • Uses neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you.
  • Doesn't care about your feelings.
  • Views you as an extension of themselves and not an individual.
  • Withholds sex as a way to manipulate, punish and control.
  • Shares personal and private information about you with other people.
  • Denies being emotionally abusive when confronted.
  • Makes subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.

Do you…

  • Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
  • Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner's behavior?
  • Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
  • Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
  • Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
  • Stay with you partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?

    If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without some help, the abuse will continue.

If you are being abused, contact the National Coalition Against Domestic Abuse for a list of resources and domestic abuse shelters in your area.