Are Rebound Relationships Dangerous?

The danger in rebound relationships
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It is better to heal after divorce than to rebound!


Think about it, if you are in a relationship with someone on the rebound, you are in a relationship with someone who is needy and vulnerable. Not exactly a safe place to be! Needy, vulnerable people use a rebound relationship as a coping mechanism.

Instead of partnering with you, they are making you responsible for their need to feel better. When I'm asked if rebound relationships are dangerous, I have to respond with a resounding yes.

What could be more dangerous than using another person to help you distract yourself from emotional pain you don't want to feel?

It's dangerous for you and the person you are in a relationship with. The unsuspecting person you are using will one day suffer their own pain when they realize they were nothing more than a temporary band-aid. And, you will learn nothing from the last broken relationship because of your unwillingness to learn from the break up instead of immediately moving on to another relationship. 

Below are a few emotions a person feels after divorce:

  • Confusion
  • Anxiety
  • Loneliness
  • Depression
  • Low self-esteem
  • Emotionally vulnerable

Some people deal with these negative feelings by covering them with a new relationship. It is so much more fun to focus on a new love than focus on healing the pain of a divorce.

Some argue that the best way to get over someone is to find a replacement unit.

I disagree because a replacement for lost love does not negate the issues that caused a person to lose love.

Not dealing with our contribution to a failed marriage only means taking negative aspects of our personality into a new relationship. The person who jumps from the “fire into the frying pan,” is taking the easy way out.

And, the rebound relationship will suffer and so will anyone who becomes involved with a person on the rebound.

If you become involved with someone who is newly divorced they view you as their rescuer. A role some like to play but an unhealthy role just the same.

What is so attractive about being in a relationship with someone on the rebound? In their vulnerability they are open. They talk about their pain, share their feelings. They tell you how grateful they are to be with you. They seem different from anyone you’ve ever been involved with.

You feel needed and can’t believe your luck at finding someone who appears to love you so much. The problem is, it is all appearance and one or the other of you is being set up to get hurt.

The rebound person needs you, at that moment and time. They need someone to help them work through their confusion and pain. They need a pleasant distraction. What happens when the rebound person begins to feel normal and emotionally healthy again?

I fell in “love” shortly after my divorce was final. I met a man who gave me everything I was needing. He helped me feel attractive again. He helped me feel more secure as a single woman. He encouraged me to follow my career dreams.

He was my helpmate and my friend but the healthier I became the more aware I became that he was not someone I “loved” in a romantic way.

He was my rebound relationship and all the illusions and fantasies of falling in love were there…in the beginning. In the end, I got what I needed from the relationship and he got hurt.

Based on personal experience my advice is to not become involved with a newly divorced person. They may appear to be all you’ve ever wanted but it is important to see them for who they really are…hurting, alone and confused.

Offer support but not your heart because until they heal from the pain of their divorce they will only be able to need you and what you truly deserve is to be wanted in a healthy and loving way.

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