Al Gore Quotes

Funny Quotes by Former Vice President Al Gore

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"Even though I honestly had not planned on doing this, I guess with a billion people watching, it's as good a time as any. So, my fellow Americans, I'm going to take this opportunity right here and now to formally announce..." --pretending to announce for president before being drowned out by the orchestra at the Oscars

"In the last six years, we have been able to stop global warming. No one could have predicted the negative results of this. Glaciers that once were melting are now on the attack. As you know, these renegade glaciers have already captured parts of upper Michigan and northern Maine. But I assure you, we will not let the glaciers win." -addressing the nation as if he were president on Saturday Night Live

"There are some of you who would like to spend our money on some made-up war. To you I say, 'what part of lockbox don't you understand?'" -"President Gore" on Saturday Night Live

"Baseball, our national pastime, still lies under the shadow of steroid accusations. But I have faith in Baseball Commissioner George W. Bush when he says, 'we will find the steroid users if we have to tap every phone in America.'" -"President Gore" on Saturday Night Live

"I have no plans to be a candidate for president again, I don't expect to ever be a candidate for president again. I haven't made a so-called Sherman statement because it just seems unnecessary, kind of odd to do that. I'm 58 years old. That's the new 57." -appearing on This Week

"I have had other offers. But, frankly, Jay, when you refuse to do nude scenes, it really cuts down on the opportunities. ... I just want to clarify. I have no plans to do a nude scene. I have no intention to do a nude scene. I don't expect to do a nude scene. But I haven't made a Shermanesque statement about it." -after Jay Leno asked him if he was entertaining other film offers after the success of An Inconvenient Truth

Jay Leno: "How do you feel being treated like a movie star?"
Gore: "Well, it's not all easy. For example, I'm in this huge feud with Lindsay Lohan now."
Leno: "Really? Can you give us a little more?"
Gore: "No, she knows what she did."

"Lawrence Bender, who made all of Quentin Tarantino's movies, produced this documentary, and the production schedule was so grueling, I told him he ought to call this one 'Kill Al, Vol. 1.'" --on filming An Inconvenient Truth

"I had hoped to be back here this week under different circumstances, running for re-election. But you know the old saying: you win some, you lose some. And then there's that little-known third category. I didn't come here tonight to talk about the past. After all, I don't want you to think I lie awake at night counting and recounting sheep. I prefer to focus on the future because I know from my own experience that America is a land of opportunity, where every little boy and girl has a chance to grow up and win the popular vote." -at the 2004 Democratic Convention

"I think of myself as a recovering politician. I'm on about step 9 ... recovering, boozing it up of course." -discussing the launch of his new TV network, Current, with Jay Leno

"All I have to do is be the best Al I can be, because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and, doggone it, people like me" —on "Saturday Night Live," being counseled by Stuart Smalley

"I'm sure this is funny. But at the end of this I want to have some bread crumbs leading back to my dignity." —vetoing a sketch about flatulence during a read-through for his appearance on "Saturday Night Live"

"I am concerned about the economy. I was the first one laid off." —in a speech to biotech executives in California

"I often get asked the question, 'Is there anything I would have done differently?' And yes there is. If I had it to do over again, I would have kissed Tipper much longer at the convention. But she was struggling." —on the 2000 presidential race

"I am Al Gore, and I used to be the next president of the United States of America." —in a speech at Bocconi University in Milan, Italy

"I think I may have a future as a disembodied head." —discussing his appearances on the television show "Futurama"

"I did think it was effective when I weaved in stories of real people in the audience and their everyday challenges. Like the woman here tonight whose husband is about to lose his job. She's struggling to get out of public housing and get a job of her own. Hillary Clinton, I want to fight for you.'' —at the 2000 Al Smith Dinner

"My plan to put Social Security in an ironclad lockbox has gotten a lot of attention recently, and I'm glad about that. But I'm afraid that it's overshadowing some vitally important proposals. For instance, I'll put Medicaid in a walk-in closet. I'll put the Community Reinvestment Act in a secured gym locker. I'll put NASA funding in a hermetically sealed Ziploc bag." —at the 2000 Al Smith Dinner

"I put all my sighs in a lockbox" —on the difference in tone between the first and second presidential debates

"During my service in the United States Congress I took the initiative in creating the Internet." –during a ​1999 interview with CNN's Wolf Blitzer

"Remember America, I gave you the Internet and I can take it away." —the #9 item on the "Top 10 Rejected Gore-Lieberman Campaign Slogans," read by Al Gore on the "Late Show with David Letterman"

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman