Al Gore Jokes

Late-Night Jokes About Al Gore

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Funny Al Gore Quotes

"There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for" –Craig Ferguson

"You guys heard about Al Gore and Tipper splitting up? Everybody is talking about it. Everyone's blogging about this, and now there are reports online that his daughter and her husband are splitting up. I bet this is the one week where Al Gore wishes he didn't invent the Internet." –Jimmy Fallon

"After 40 years, Al and Tipper Gore have split up. Nobody knows why, but there is a rumor today that Al came home early last week and found another man's carbon footprints." –Bill Maher

"They could tell he was lonely as of late because when he'd hug a tree, he'd linger." –Bill Maher, on Al Gore

"Al Gore and his wife, longtime married couple, are separating. Tipper Gore. And they may get a divorce. Apparently what happened, they experienced global cooling." –David Letterman

"Were you sad to learn that Al Gore and his wife, Tipper — I was. I was a little sad about that. Yeah, according to the report, the two are 'separating amicably after a long process of careful consideration.' You know, even his divorce is boring." –Jay Leno

"Would you have ever guessed that Bill and Hillary would turn out to be Washington's happiest married couple?" –Jay Leno

"Last week, Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts to fight global warming. Congratulations to Al Gore. ... Not to be outdone, today the oil companies named President Bush 'Man of The Year.'" --Jay Leno

"They're saying that now Al Gore has won the Nobel prize, Al Gore has a huge international platform to fight global warming. Kind of sad. Today, he stepped on the platform and it collapsed." --Jay Leno

"Al Gore has won an Academy award. He's won an Emmy award. And now, he's won the Nobel prize. But what he really wants is the Latin Grammy." --David Letterman

"Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize for his work with the environment. Then, in a stunning reversal, the Supreme Court awarded it to George Bush." --Amy Poehler

"I think I know why you're happy tonight ... 'cause Al Gore won the Nobel prize. Al Gore won the Nobel prize. Or, as President Bush announced it, 'Sweden is with the terrorists.' No, the president did not say that. What he said was, 'The Nobel Prize is just a theory. It needs more study.'" --Bill Maher

"You can tell Al Gore is still worrying about these kind of things. They told him today, 'You received the most votes.' He said, 'Yeah, who won?'" --Bill Maher

"Congratulations to former Vice President Al Gore. He won the Nobel Peace Prize. ... And he did it without a single vote from Florida." --Jay Leno

"A White House spokesman said President Bush is very happy Al Gore won. Not Dick Cheney. Oh, no. Dick Cheney said today now he wants to bomb Norway." --Jay Leno

"A lot of people are now wondering if Al Gore will run for president, which would make it a Gore vs. Hillary Democratic primary. Kind of global warming vs. global cooling." --Jay Leno

"Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize. I guess he made some movie about the weather or something. He has had some year. He won an Emmy, an Oscar, and now the Nobel Prize. The only thing he didn't win was president. It's incredible. In three years, the guy went from Urkel to Fonzie" --Jimmy Kimmel

"Al Gore spoke on Capitol Hill today to urge lawmakers to do more to fight global warming. He said we're facing a planetary emergency. And you can tell he's serious when he talks about the world ending because he appears to be eating everything in sight." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Yesterday Al Gore told members of Congress 'that the planet has a fever and it needs a doctor.' When the congressmen heard this, they asked Gore, 'You won an Oscar for this?'" --Conan O'Brien

"Al Gore told Congress that global warming shouldn't be a political issue, it should be a moral issue. And Congress went, 'A moral issue? What's that?'" --Jay Leno

"In what he called an emotional return to Congress, Al Gore on Wednesday testified before a House committee that climate change poses a crisis that threatens civilization. Then he hung around in the parking lot and told people he used to go here." --Seth Meyers

"Albert Gore returned to the Capitol for the first time since winning an Oscar for ... his portrayal of Effie, the diva in 'Dreamgirls.' And while he may no longer be vice president, he is clearly many other things [on screen: pols and news anchors calling him various titles, including: 'rock star,' 'a personality,' 'the prophet,' 'the man dubbed The Goracle']. Gore-stradmus. Gore-magnificent. The Gore-monger. Gore-Mary Abraham. I have over a thousand of these." --Jon Stewart

"Congratulations to Al Gore. His movie won an Oscar. Today it got reversed by the Supreme Court. ... Al Gore announced last night that for the first time, the Academy Awards had a green theme. Which is not really true. It's always had a green theme -- money and envy." --Jay Leno

"The big winner of the night was global warming. Everyone jumped on the hybrid bandwagon. But if you ask me, any lowering of emissions they achieved with the limos was canceled out by the amount of smoke they blew up Al Gore's ass." --Stephen Colbert

"If any of you at home are wondering about the former vice president's seeming largess, I will have you know, he has not gained weight. He is so passionate about saving this Earth, he is trying not to exhale. ... Here's an inconvenient truth: cake isn't a food group" --Jon Stewart

"You all ready for the Oscars? ... Al Gore is expected to win for his documentary on global warming. I hope he ... includes President Bush in the acceptance speech. I mean, without President Bush, we probably wouldn't have a lot of this global warming." --Jay Leno

"In an ironic twist, while making a speech on global warming, Al Gore froze to death." --Amy Poehler

"Time Magazine has named everyone their 'Person of the Year.' And somehow, Al Gore still came in second." --Jay Leno

"A lot of people said Al Gore was the best vice president the country ever had. Not to take anything away from Al, but look at the competition. He replaced a guy who couldn't spell 'potato' and was followed by a guy who shot someone in the face." --Jay Leno

"Al Gore is on the show tonight. This just shows you how quickly things can change. I mean, Arnold Schwarzenegger spends his days talking about his political agenda. Al Gore is out promoting his new movie. Who would have seen that coming?" --Jay Leno

"Has anybody seen the Al Gore movie about global warming and the environment? Well, the Bush administration has seen it and they are very annoyed about the whole thing. As a matter of fact, earlier today, Dick Cheney shot a projectionist. ... One very dramatic scene in the Al Gore global warming movie is when a glacier melts and they find more Al Gore ballots from the election." --David Letterman

"President Bush told reporters he won't see Al Gore's documentary about the threat of global warming. He will not see it. On the other hand, Dick Cheney said he's seen the global warming film five times, and it still cracks him up." --Conan O'Brien

"Arnold Schwarzenegger is blaming man for global warming. And today, Al Gore agreed with him. That's so typical. Two cyborgs, 'Oh, let's blame the humans.'" --Jay Leno

"The Capitol was evacuated after the electrical power went out. People said it was the quickest loss of power in Washington since Al Gore." --Jay Leno

"According to Time magazine, global warming is 33% worse than we thought. You know what that means? Al Gore is one-third more annoying than we thought." --Jay Leno

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